04 Aug 2007, ST
By Catherine Lim Suat Hong
THE day before his annual visit home to family and friends in Singapore, my brother sent me an e-mail. It began cryptically, with biblical references to 'meeting one's maker'. Reading it further however, I decided he had made an intelligent decision. The e-mail was to inform me of where his important documents were kept in Australia.
We live in uncertain times. Plane crashes, floods and heatwaves, terrorist attacks. Closer to home, dengue and avian flu loom large.
Our personal radar is not often tuned to crisis mode. Even in conflict-ridden parts of the world, there are pockets where 'normal' everyday living can be found. So my brother's e-mail came as a timely reminder that the times we live in are tumultuous ones, and that fate can be cruel.
A lorry slipping into a waterway, drownings, murder triggered by misplaced words - a son, a mother, a daughter, a father - a life snuffed out leaving a trail of grief. And often there is collateral damage compounded by paperwork being not quite in order.
It's time for me to start tidying up the loose ends of my life. I may not have much by way of material holdings but I have responsibilities. And among them, the most onerous is to myself: to live a good life, one guided by a moral compass and attention to important details that get lost in this fast-paced 24/7 city we live in.
So I've made a decision to 'slow down'. Nothing can be ever so urgent as to subject family, friends, colleagues and strangers to the brunt of my impatience and irritability. As a result I am closer to enjoying everything I do, from eating and drinking to cooking and writing. When I exercise, I turn off my cellphone and mentally turn off a few other switches as well. It's difficult. It takes discipline and resolve.
It goes beyond a work-life balance; it's finding a rhythm which suits you, oblivious to the frenetic pace of the external world, yet without shutting out the ambient sounds of human existence.
Some people dead and alive have it: it is grace under fire. Socrates, Gandhi, Rosa Parks, Martin Luther King Jr and John Lennon had it. Nelson Mandela and Ban Ki Moon have it. And after reading a recent interview with Nobel laureate Alexander Solzhenitsyn, I believe he had it too. Closer to home, Elizabeth Choy had it, and centurion Theresa Hsu has it.
How did they get it? I don't know. But the common thread is that they all serve the cause of humanity. How did they come to serve this cause? Again I don't know. But here's a plausible list of factors: they were moved by the milieu of their times - destiny; genetic imprint - nature; upbringing - nurture; mentors - inspiration.
How do we aspire to be like them? Do one good deed a day, think one good thought a day is a simple prescriptive. Or, 'do unto others what you want others to do unto you' - which is more challenging to ponder.
Death can come swiftly. In my mind, I replay the last telephone conversation I had with a friend in London. She was coming home to Singapore. She never made it. She died barely a week after we spoke and six weeks after she had been finally diagnosed with fourth stage cancer.
I remember her voice, the way she lived her life - unconventional, a wild child in her younger days. But she had grown up, with two children of her own, and buried a husband.
I remember her best for the way she made me feel - near unconditional acceptance of who I was. I cannot be unconditionally accepting, but I can give both emotional and physical space to those who try my patience.
I think of what I know about them and sometimes I get it so wrong. Then I think of what I don't know and that is when the space opens up for forbearance.
Catherine Lim Suat Hong is a freelance writer.
By Catherine Lim Suat Hong
THE day before his annual visit home to family and friends in Singapore, my brother sent me an e-mail. It began cryptically, with biblical references to 'meeting one's maker'. Reading it further however, I decided he had made an intelligent decision. The e-mail was to inform me of where his important documents were kept in Australia.
We live in uncertain times. Plane crashes, floods and heatwaves, terrorist attacks. Closer to home, dengue and avian flu loom large.
Our personal radar is not often tuned to crisis mode. Even in conflict-ridden parts of the world, there are pockets where 'normal' everyday living can be found. So my brother's e-mail came as a timely reminder that the times we live in are tumultuous ones, and that fate can be cruel.
A lorry slipping into a waterway, drownings, murder triggered by misplaced words - a son, a mother, a daughter, a father - a life snuffed out leaving a trail of grief. And often there is collateral damage compounded by paperwork being not quite in order.
It's time for me to start tidying up the loose ends of my life. I may not have much by way of material holdings but I have responsibilities. And among them, the most onerous is to myself: to live a good life, one guided by a moral compass and attention to important details that get lost in this fast-paced 24/7 city we live in.
So I've made a decision to 'slow down'. Nothing can be ever so urgent as to subject family, friends, colleagues and strangers to the brunt of my impatience and irritability. As a result I am closer to enjoying everything I do, from eating and drinking to cooking and writing. When I exercise, I turn off my cellphone and mentally turn off a few other switches as well. It's difficult. It takes discipline and resolve.
It goes beyond a work-life balance; it's finding a rhythm which suits you, oblivious to the frenetic pace of the external world, yet without shutting out the ambient sounds of human existence.
Some people dead and alive have it: it is grace under fire. Socrates, Gandhi, Rosa Parks, Martin Luther King Jr and John Lennon had it. Nelson Mandela and Ban Ki Moon have it. And after reading a recent interview with Nobel laureate Alexander Solzhenitsyn, I believe he had it too. Closer to home, Elizabeth Choy had it, and centurion Theresa Hsu has it.
How did they get it? I don't know. But the common thread is that they all serve the cause of humanity. How did they come to serve this cause? Again I don't know. But here's a plausible list of factors: they were moved by the milieu of their times - destiny; genetic imprint - nature; upbringing - nurture; mentors - inspiration.
How do we aspire to be like them? Do one good deed a day, think one good thought a day is a simple prescriptive. Or, 'do unto others what you want others to do unto you' - which is more challenging to ponder.
Death can come swiftly. In my mind, I replay the last telephone conversation I had with a friend in London. She was coming home to Singapore. She never made it. She died barely a week after we spoke and six weeks after she had been finally diagnosed with fourth stage cancer.
I remember her voice, the way she lived her life - unconventional, a wild child in her younger days. But she had grown up, with two children of her own, and buried a husband.
I remember her best for the way she made me feel - near unconditional acceptance of who I was. I cannot be unconditionally accepting, but I can give both emotional and physical space to those who try my patience.
I think of what I know about them and sometimes I get it so wrong. Then I think of what I don't know and that is when the space opens up for forbearance.
Catherine Lim Suat Hong is a freelance writer.
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