24 Sep 2007, ST
Checking up on your ex frequently on Facebook qualifies you as a stalker - albeit a cyber one
By Suzanne Sng
I RECENTLY learnt a new hot lingo term - Facestalking.
To my horror, I realised I was guilty of it, that is, stalking someone via Facebook, the social networking website which everyone and his dog is on right now.
On Facebook, you can connect with friends both old and new, prove you are Miss Popularity by adding an insane number of acquaintances, invite them to parties, buy them virtual rounds of tequila, poke them and even throw a sheep or two at them and show off your new man by posting lovey-dovey photos.
You can list your relationship status as a cryptic 'It's complicated', your religious affiliation as a Hare Krishna and your favourite movie as Titanic for all to see, including any potential Facestalkers.
According to the Urban Dictionary, an online dictionary of slang, to Facestalk is to look at pictures, read profile information and/or repeatedly check the status of an individual on Facebook. This person can range from a good friend to someone you have never actually met.
This cyber form of stalking is nowhere close to the dangerous bunny-boiling level of Fatal Attraction, though.
It's human nature to be kaypoh, especially since Facebook (and Friendster, MySpace, Google and the like) makes it so accessible and, more importantly, anonymous.
Almost everyone indulges in it, although the extent varies. Admitting to the act of snooping is a different matter.
Sheepishly, I'll confess to popping now and then to the profile page of an ex from a bygone era and clicking on the photos of him, his wife and kid. More than just prurient interest, I marvel at how he's matured from a complete commitment phobe to a family man.
I have a happily married girl friend who still can't help keeping tabs on her ex, even though they are no longer on speaking terms. Looking at his shenanigans from her laptop screen, she feels vindicated that she has moved on with her life while he is still dating an endless parade of floozies.
Checking on your current squeeze's Facebook is also another form of Facestalking.
While it seems fairly innocent and harmless to, say, monitor the hunky dude that your girlfriend just added as a friend, it can very quickly escalate to something nasty if there is a lack of trust and communication.
Similarly, Facestalking the hottie you met at the club last night is well and fine - you can ascertain her relationship status, for one - but taking it to extremes and bombarding her with naughty gifts and messages isn't hot. Unless, of course, she reciprocates.
A more extreme case is a sweet friend who recently broke up with her boyfriend and spent her working hours scrutinising his photos and comments for evidence of a new gal.
'Everytime the fool was tagged in a picture, I'd scurry to the album to see which new girls he'd been snapped being chummy with and whether this one particular girl was popping up still,' she confesses, adding that at her lowest point, she was obsessively checking on him three times or more every hour.
'I checked on him tons when we first broke up. It was the only point of contact and since I couldn't bring myself to talk to him, checking his page was the only way to do it.'
'I must be coming across like a psycho,' she blurts out, begging me not to reveal her identity.
'I haven't checked his Facebook in two weeks now. It's like an addiction that you have to be weaned off,' she adds.
Another heartbroken friend still frequents her ex's page to check when he is going to take down photos of them together. It makes her agitated - and at the same time hopeful - every time she looks because he still has them there even though the break-up was more than six months ago.
A girl friend owns up to snooping around: 'It makes me feel better when I happen to accidentally stumble on his page all the time.'
She even goes one step further and says candidly: 'I'm just trying to get as many people onto my Facebook so as to give the impression that I'm so popular and doing so well even after the unfortunate incident of our collision that ended in cut-up photos and shredded shirts.'
That works, of course, only if the guy is also Facestalking her.
And while men, in general, are less likely to agonise and analyse every tiny detail on an ex's Facebook, they too are not above poking around for updates.
A guy friend reveals, to my surprise because he doesn't seem to be the nostalgic sort, that he's gone to his ex's page when she added him out of the blue after they swore never to speak to each other ever again.
'I do it on and off just to see what she's up to. After all, we're 'friends' wat,' is his justification.
He adds: 'I don't think boys put out that much info on their Facebook accounts as girls do. Boys seem to have more of the kind of music they're into and perhaps movies. They are more inclined to put pictures of fish, Bart Simpson, Megatron, etc.
'More of my girl friends post where they're going to be, what they're doing and photos. Boys, meanwhile, throw sheep at you.'
At times, I feel so thwarted when all I can dig up is a bunch of question marks about someone from the past. No photos of them with beer bellies, no information on the crucial girlfriend/wife/kid status, no indication whatsoever about how they are doing.
It's the virtual version of a friend sighting the ex and reporting back to you, except you can do it yourself.
Regardless of how well you are doing without him, you will be curious to know. At least I know I would.
More than mere curiosity, itchy fingers and a tinge of nostalgia, there is the satisfaction of knowing that someone I once cared deeply for is alive and well - yes, even if it is without me.
Checking up on your ex frequently on Facebook qualifies you as a stalker - albeit a cyber one
By Suzanne Sng
I RECENTLY learnt a new hot lingo term - Facestalking.
To my horror, I realised I was guilty of it, that is, stalking someone via Facebook, the social networking website which everyone and his dog is on right now.
On Facebook, you can connect with friends both old and new, prove you are Miss Popularity by adding an insane number of acquaintances, invite them to parties, buy them virtual rounds of tequila, poke them and even throw a sheep or two at them and show off your new man by posting lovey-dovey photos.
You can list your relationship status as a cryptic 'It's complicated', your religious affiliation as a Hare Krishna and your favourite movie as Titanic for all to see, including any potential Facestalkers.
According to the Urban Dictionary, an online dictionary of slang, to Facestalk is to look at pictures, read profile information and/or repeatedly check the status of an individual on Facebook. This person can range from a good friend to someone you have never actually met.
This cyber form of stalking is nowhere close to the dangerous bunny-boiling level of Fatal Attraction, though.
It's human nature to be kaypoh, especially since Facebook (and Friendster, MySpace, Google and the like) makes it so accessible and, more importantly, anonymous.
Almost everyone indulges in it, although the extent varies. Admitting to the act of snooping is a different matter.
Sheepishly, I'll confess to popping now and then to the profile page of an ex from a bygone era and clicking on the photos of him, his wife and kid. More than just prurient interest, I marvel at how he's matured from a complete commitment phobe to a family man.
I have a happily married girl friend who still can't help keeping tabs on her ex, even though they are no longer on speaking terms. Looking at his shenanigans from her laptop screen, she feels vindicated that she has moved on with her life while he is still dating an endless parade of floozies.
Checking on your current squeeze's Facebook is also another form of Facestalking.
While it seems fairly innocent and harmless to, say, monitor the hunky dude that your girlfriend just added as a friend, it can very quickly escalate to something nasty if there is a lack of trust and communication.
Similarly, Facestalking the hottie you met at the club last night is well and fine - you can ascertain her relationship status, for one - but taking it to extremes and bombarding her with naughty gifts and messages isn't hot. Unless, of course, she reciprocates.
A more extreme case is a sweet friend who recently broke up with her boyfriend and spent her working hours scrutinising his photos and comments for evidence of a new gal.
'Everytime the fool was tagged in a picture, I'd scurry to the album to see which new girls he'd been snapped being chummy with and whether this one particular girl was popping up still,' she confesses, adding that at her lowest point, she was obsessively checking on him three times or more every hour.
'I checked on him tons when we first broke up. It was the only point of contact and since I couldn't bring myself to talk to him, checking his page was the only way to do it.'
'I must be coming across like a psycho,' she blurts out, begging me not to reveal her identity.
'I haven't checked his Facebook in two weeks now. It's like an addiction that you have to be weaned off,' she adds.
Another heartbroken friend still frequents her ex's page to check when he is going to take down photos of them together. It makes her agitated - and at the same time hopeful - every time she looks because he still has them there even though the break-up was more than six months ago.
A girl friend owns up to snooping around: 'It makes me feel better when I happen to accidentally stumble on his page all the time.'
She even goes one step further and says candidly: 'I'm just trying to get as many people onto my Facebook so as to give the impression that I'm so popular and doing so well even after the unfortunate incident of our collision that ended in cut-up photos and shredded shirts.'
That works, of course, only if the guy is also Facestalking her.
And while men, in general, are less likely to agonise and analyse every tiny detail on an ex's Facebook, they too are not above poking around for updates.
A guy friend reveals, to my surprise because he doesn't seem to be the nostalgic sort, that he's gone to his ex's page when she added him out of the blue after they swore never to speak to each other ever again.
'I do it on and off just to see what she's up to. After all, we're 'friends' wat,' is his justification.
He adds: 'I don't think boys put out that much info on their Facebook accounts as girls do. Boys seem to have more of the kind of music they're into and perhaps movies. They are more inclined to put pictures of fish, Bart Simpson, Megatron, etc.
'More of my girl friends post where they're going to be, what they're doing and photos. Boys, meanwhile, throw sheep at you.'
At times, I feel so thwarted when all I can dig up is a bunch of question marks about someone from the past. No photos of them with beer bellies, no information on the crucial girlfriend/wife/kid status, no indication whatsoever about how they are doing.
It's the virtual version of a friend sighting the ex and reporting back to you, except you can do it yourself.
Regardless of how well you are doing without him, you will be curious to know. At least I know I would.
More than mere curiosity, itchy fingers and a tinge of nostalgia, there is the satisfaction of knowing that someone I once cared deeply for is alive and well - yes, even if it is without me.
No comments:
Post a Comment