Is it time to slow down?

03 Oct 2007, ST, Mind Your Body

Wendy Chua K. Wand

The writer is the founder of Wand Inspiration and author of All Kids R Gifted and Break To Dawn.

Q I am 35, have been working in a prestigious law firm for seven years and am likely to be made partner in one or two years.

Although I used to enjoy my work, I am now starting to question if I am cut out for this. I work such long hours that I am always tired, and I have no time to exercise or spend time with my friends and family. I am contemplating a career change.

Recently, my mother was diagnosed with cancer and I realised how little time I may have with her. I am also single and would like to get married and have a family.

Of course, there is no guarantee that I can find a man to love, or even begin to date. It has been years since I have dated. Is it ridiculous to say I want to reduce my working hours, or to change my career, because I want to stay home more and have time to date?

I am concerned that I will make a career mistake and regret it; if I am not happy, however, money and status are meaningless. Please advise.

A For most people, the mid-30s is when they start to reflect on the meaning and purpose of their lives and careers. If they have yet to create meaningful emotional connections with significant others, they are likely to have a sense of emptiness. Some deny this emptiness; others immerse themselves even more deeply in their work. Some others face up to their internal questions and so decide to make changes to their lifestyles and careers.

Your distress is exacerbated by your mother's illness and your desire to find a life partner.

How much time do you spend with your mother? How would you describe your current relationship with her - warm or distant? How would you like this relationship to be like for the remaining days of her life?

I am sure your mother appreciates the physical comfort that your money can give her. Nevertheless, she would crave your company and encouragement even more. When people think they are dying, they may have a sense of despair and wonder if they have lived their lives well. If your mother receives your care and attention, and you show your appreciation for what she has done for you, she will be happy to know that she has created a precious and worthy person in you.

How much will you regret if you lose her now, without giving her your time and showing her your love?

Your desire to date, find someone and be married will be welcomed by your mother. Of course, you must want to enter into such a commitment with confidence and personal conviction.

The risks inherent in dating and falling in love are that you may get rejected or the relationship may not work out. Compare that risk with working hard, clocking the billable hours. It looks like there is more guarantee you will succeed at a career than in love, so it's no wonder many single people choose to pay more attention to their careers.

How much is this interpersonal risk important to you?

I think that you need time to discover yourself - who you are, your strengths and contributions, your weaknesses and your goals.

If you are working long hours every week, when will you find the time for your mother, yourself, and dating? How can you recharge yourself?

You have options.

Discuss with your present firm if there are other roles you can play, depending on whether you are willing to take a pay cut or make a change within the organisation. If you are happy with the organisation and it appreciates you, you may be able to create a new role for yourself there.

The advantage of this is that you do not face too many changes while you are facing possible changes in your family. Be open with your supervisors regarding your mother's illness, and go to them with some workable solutions. Can you serve fewer clients? Can you slow down your progress towards partnership?

If this is not workable, there are roles in other organisations in which your legal training and experience can come in handy. Some lawyers have switched to become in-house counsel for organisations so they have more regular hours and serve only one organisation. They accept that they are giving up some benefits.

It is not ridiculous to make changes to your career so you have time for your mother and for a social life. You make that choice with maturity. Bear in mind your purpose for making this change, and be steadfast in pursuing your goals. Don't let other people tell you it is wrong.

It is your own life, your mother and your future. Live it wisely and with love.

Net report that early retirement leads to longer life is a hoax

26 Sep 2007, New Paper

Don't let fake study go to your HEAD

By Leong Ching

THE 'study' sounds logical and is seductive - quit earlier, live longer.

Reason: Less stress.

A complex title and a string of academic qualifications after the authors' name seemed to add credibility.

But Optimum Strategies for Creativity and Longevity by Sing Lin, who has a PhD, is a hoax that has lasted long and travelled well.

It emerged again on Sunday, forcing no less than Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong to expose the hoax in his dialogue with 500 grassroots leaders.

The 'study' was cited by a member of the audience to question the wisdom of delaying retirement.

The 'study', which claims to have been conducted on Boeing employees, is illustrated with a chart showing that people who retired at the age of 50 had an average life span of 86.

People who retire at 65 lived only till 66.

'An important conclusion from this study is that for every year one works beyond age 55, one loses two years of life span on average,' it said.

At the dialogue, PM Lee was quick to debunk the myth. 'I can tell you for sure that it is not true... there is no such study. It's a hoax.'

Ms Cham Hui Fong, NTUC's director of industrial relations, read it with amusement.

'It was a practical joke which has been circulating for many years! Somehow, many tend to believe that if you retire and relax, you will live longer.

'It does not and cannot mean that if one does not work at all, he will live forever.'

Ms Cham has been in the labour movement for 16 years and is not easily taken in by such surveys.

She was nominated to be an MP by the union movement and is known for her fiery speeches as an NMP.

CONVINCING LOGIC

But, for the ordinary man, there is a beguiling logic to the arguments of the fake study.

It said: 'If you are not able to get out of the pressure cooker or the high-speed battleground at the age of 55, and 'have' to keep on working hard until the age of 65 or older, then you probably will die within 18 months of retirement.

'By working very hard in the pressure cooker for 10 more years beyond the age of 55, you give up at least 20 years of your life span on average.'

Stress has been blamed for a wide range of health problems - from ulcers to cancers.

Instinctively, people feel that they will lead a 'better life' if they did not have to wake up to a high-stress job every morning.

That dream scenario would have been a life like Mr Gerard Ee's when he retired young - at 56.

But that retirement lasted two weeks. He returned to 'work' - but without a salary.

The former accountant from Ernst & Young was appointed the chairman of the National Kidney Foundation (NKF) at its lowest point when its former CEO TT Durai stepped down in July 2005.

Today, he still oversees the now-thriving NKF and also chairs The Third Age, an organisation for seniors.

'My retirement from E&Y was purely contractual,' he said. 'After 30 years as a practising accountant, it was time to move on and do other things. Thus, retirement is not 'stopping' and certainly not ceasing to 'live' to one's fullest.'

But not many people have the luxury of stepping out of the corporate life like him.

Would workers have a better life if they took a job with less stress, with a smaller title and smaller pay?

Mr Ee said: 'This is a major issue and will remain one until people adopt the paradigms of the 21st century. It is not the title but rather what is it that you have - a competitive advantage - over others.'

You are paid according to the value you produce.

Mr Ee pointed out: 'A brilliant 70-year-old who can produce millions in profit in equity trade will be paid accordingly and be in great demand by the fund managers.

'A 40-year-old engineer who has not kept up to date with the latest processes will be paid yesterday's wages and be easily replaced by the younger engineer who is more up to date.'

The accountant in him said: 'It is a simple formula - no one gets paid for nothing. Thus, first determine how much money you want or need - then there is a price to pay.'

The price, he said, could be in different ways - less time with the family, more stress at work, and for the unfortunate few, poorer physical health.

Perhaps the best thing the 'Boeing hoax' can teach us is that while the facts are wrong, the principle of work-life balance is an important one.

Ms Cham said: '(This applies) not just to older workers but everyone. The older ones will probably appreciate a better balance after spending so much time at work.

'But to retire totally can be trying for some who prefer to phase in gradual retirement.'

Time the dog had its day? Try the cat's way

10 Sep 2007, ST

If yours is a dog's life, here's a solution that might make you feel better

By Jessica Lim

'WORK like a dog, lor,' my ex-friend snapped when I asked him over dinner two years ago how his day had been.

He then began a two-hour tirade: It was painfully complicated, his boss asked him to do something redundant (explained in detail), he was given menial tasks (this and that), he had no idea what he was doing in construction, he was quitting the next day.

It got stale hearing the same refrain, so we stopped hanging out soon after that.

Surreptitious checks with mutual acquaintances have revealed that he is still stuck in the pound, and, yes, whining all the way.

But his might well be a dog's life because, according to an article in Ohio's daily The Plain Dealer, dog-like behaviour can lead to one being treated like a dog.

Its author, Jim Pawlak, thinks most employees 'live for that gratuitous 'good dog' pat on the head'.

Anyone just starting out in his career knows how that goes. A day at work is not unlike performing - you heel, you get barked at to jump higher, quite likely for the equivalent of a measly biscuit - all to gain approval.

When that pat doesn't come, you slink home, tail between your legs. This, despite your going to all extremes to please your master.

So you just obey, don't think, and repeat it, until 5pm - also your cue to start howling about your very tragic life to anyone who will listen.

The whole aim of this, uh, doggie style, is simple: Get your boss to throw you a bone for your efforts; or at least, just tell you where to dig for a better assignment.

Pawlak offers this antidote: Get catty.

No, not hiss and scratch - not all the time anyway - but adopt cat-like characteristics.

I agree.

Cats manage their owners by showing they are capable and know what they are doing. In turn, their owners leave them to it.

Which boss wouldn't want more time to manage his own bosses? To dig up his own treasure?

After all, the boss-employee relationship is a symbiotic one. The more you understand your boss' constraints and pressures, the better you can help him succeed. And, yes, score one for the team.

I realised this when I became a small boss of sorts myself when I was asked to mentor a few interns.

One, in particular, irritated me because he asked if I was free to talk when I was clearly in the middle of a phone interview.

When I said no, he would hover within my peripheral vision, and only after wild gesticulations and a 'COME BACK LATER!' scribbled on a notepad would he leave.

This happened repeatedly.

It made me wonder: Was I doing similar things to my boss?

So I started being more self-aware, and realised it saved me a lot of second guessing - and time. I stopped barking up the wrong tree, learning instead to read between the e-mail lines, and deciphering non-verbal cues.

At least I can now sniff out the bigger assignments from the less important ones, which saves me running around in circles trying to catch my tail.

Now you try: Does your boss prefer communicating face-to-face or on the phone? Does he prefer short, precise meetings? What are his priorities?

Figuring that out may mean getting promoted, landing ground-breaking assignments or pay raises.

Most importantly, you will no longer feel as though you'd rather jump off a building than go back to your job.

My cat, Smoky, manages me well.

Attentive, he can detect a foul mood a mile away - so no meowing for chow.

Independent, he refuses to be micro-managed and fulfils his pet duties by catching a few cockroaches a month.

In return, I fill his bowl with salmon treats. Occasionally, I throw in a neck rub.

Though lately, I've been wondering if he's ready for a bone or two...

Work-life balance? When theory and reality clash...

20 Aug 2007, ST

By Jessica Lim

ASK any newcomer to the workforce how life has changed, and you are likely to get a typical answer: 'Too tired to do anything after work already.'

It's the standard excuse for skipping social appointments and, we soon discover, an acceptable one too.

Fresh out of school, we start our jobs, brimming with unrealistic expectations.

We set goals: Don't leave before checking off the to-do list. Catch up with friends afterwards (even if it's very late at night). Spend weekends with the family.

But for anyone who wants to prove himself in his career, that hardly works out.

Plans change, to say the least.

More elements get thrown into the mix, so your time gets cut up into smaller rations, and plans go pear-shaped the minute you bust your schedule - which is quite often, in the life of a young working adult.

Juggling everything quickly becomes near impossible.

On the one hand, you desperately want to go the extra mile, stay that extra hour, because you need to show your boss you have the chops for better things.

On the other hand, there's the matter of managing personal relationships, and keeping up with friends.

Though there is hardly enough time left over afterwards for yourself, you find your mouth saying 'yes', even though your body just wants to crash.

Work pressures have replaced school pressures, except this time the hours stretch and there is no school vacation to break it up.

All the time, the fear of burnout looms.

Worse still, we find ourselves with a nasty new habit: Cancelling appointments at the last minute to stay late in the office.

Work-life balance? What's that?

Sure, we know the theory - say 'no', focus only on what matters most, don't try to cram everything in.

But the practical is a lot harder to finesse.

Say 'no', and friends think you don't care. Bosses may think you're not dedicated. Family members see it as neglect.

You find yourself spending your 'alone time' worrying about what everyone else thinks.

It is likely that only your body will thank you.

But I am starting to realise that might just count the most.

Any bad habit soon turns into a lifestyle, and one that might just take up a whole lifetime.

I, for one, shudder at the thought of growing up to be like that.

When work and life come together

19 Aug 2007, ST

By Mathew Pereira

Ten years ago when I was working as a sub-editor at the Foreign Desk of this newspaper, I started asking myself if a career in journalism was what I really wanted.

Work started at 3pm and except for a slight lag in the first hour or so, the constant updates to make sure readers got the latest in international news meant that work was relentless and the pace hectic. There was little time for chit-chat with colleagues.

Because of the workload, we would step out only to buy dinner and have our meals by our computer terminals while we worked.

It would be 2am by the time I got home, and my family would of course be asleep. By the time I woke up, the family would be out at work or in school, and I would be out of the house again before they got home.

Weekends weren't great either. I would have to work either on Saturday or Sunday. This meant that one of my rest days would fall on a weekday when my wife was working and kids in school. In effect, there was only one day in the week that I could spend with my family.

I did not want my kids to grow up with me out of the picture, so I decided I would get up every morning at six to catch them at breakfast and drive them to school just so I could have 30 minutes a day with them.

Most of my colleagues got up only at noon - six hours after I was up. This routine left me exhausted and in a perpetual sleep-deprived state.

I would catch a snooze every opportunity I got. My kids got used to me pulling up my handbrakes at the traffic light and telling them: 'Wake me up when the lights turn green.'

It was not the work that left me in this state, but trying to maintain a balanced family life as well.

But my gallant efforts were not enough.

A friend pulled me aside one day and told me that I was not spending enough time with my family. 'You need to quit your job,' he said.

He was one of those who felt that some jobs just do not allow a person to have a work-life balance and that journalism was one of them. But I couldn't take up his suggestion. I enjoyed my work. And, lucky for me, I was later posted to a section with saner hours.

But many of us parents forget how much the family needs us, and some of us even believe that work-life balance should be something one can only hope for later in life.

Once, while chatting with a friend who had become a recent father, I asked if he would consider switching jobs given that his current one required him to travel so much.

My question agitated him somewhat. He said it was easy for me to talk about balance as he felt I had reached a level where my job was secure and salary comfortable.

But he needed to skew the balance towards work now so that he attains financial success; he would seek work-life balance later.

I don't deny that there is some truth in what he said, but I still maintain that striving for this balance should start early on in your working life.

On the one hand, work-life balance helps sustain a worker. Knowing that he is able to work and at the same time maintain his family, friends and other interests would keep him at his job.

These workers tend to score both in quality and quantity, and they also make better colleagues.

The emotional recharge they get from outside the office, and the skills and contacts developed are often transferable to the office.

On the other hand, I know a number of people much younger than me who went into their work with so much zeal they gave up everything else, only to burn out just three or four years into their career.

But there is a bigger reason I hope the Government's latest move to push for this balance will not lose momentum.

Other than keeping workers and their family members sane, this balance will save marriages and families. It will prevent children being brought up in a home where the father or both parents are absent.

There are enough statistics to prove how much more inclined these kids are to getting into all sorts of trouble. Pushing for a work-life balance could pre-empt such dangers.

But I am realistic. For some workers, achieving work-life balance will entail a trade-off in terms of promotions and money. If my bosses allow me to work from home, I would be prepared to put in the same amount of work and take a 10 per cent pay cut.

Finding that sacred middle ground between work and life outside is not simple. It is so much easier to swing more towards work.

For me, one good reminder not to go overboard with work came from the same friend who asked me to quit my job.

He said that one regret many people express on their death beds is how they wished they had spent more time with their family.

No one, as far as he knows, has ever said: 'I wish I had spent more time in the office.'

Somewhat melodramatic, but a good reminder.