The wind as my wings

30 Aug 2007, ST

The Alchemist, a tale of a travelling boy, takes the reader on a journey of the mind and heart

By Loh Keng Fatt

THE Alchemist by Brazilian author Paulo Coelho, 60, is among the recommended books in this year's Read! Singapore campaign, organised by the National Library Board.

First published in 1988, the book has since sold over 35 million copies.

While the story, on the surface, is about a boy who travels to seek the most prized treasures ever known, the perceptive reader will understand that the journey also detours inside one's heart and mind.

And the truth is that, often, the answers and dreams you seek reside close to you.

Here's an excerpt:

'You can't be the wind,' the wind said. 'We're two very different things.'

'That's not true,' the boy said. 'I learnt the alchemist's secrets in my travels. I have inside me the winds, the deserts, the oceans, the stars and everything created in the universe.

'We were all made by the same hand, and we have the same soul. I want to be like you, able to reach every corner of the world, cross the seas, blow away the sands that cover my treasure and carry the voice of the woman I love.'

'I heard what you were talking about the other day with the alchemist,' the wind said. 'He said that everything has its own destiny. But people can't turn themselves into the wind.'

'Just teach me to be the wind for a few moments,' the boy said. 'So you and I can talk about the limitless possibilities of people and the winds.'

The wind's curiosity was aroused, something that had never happened before. It wanted to talk about those things, but it didn't know how to turn a man into the wind. And look how many things the wind already knew how to do.

It created deserts, sank ships, felled entire forests and blew through cities filled with music and strange noises.

It felt that it had no limits, yet here was a boy saying that there were other things the wind should be able to do.

'This is what we call love,' the boy said, seeing that the wind was close to granting what he requested.

'When you are loved, you can do anything in creation. When you are loved, there's no need at all to understand what's happening, because everything happens within you, and even men can turn themselves into the wind. As long as the wind helps, of course.'

The wind was a proud being, and it was becoming irritated with what the boy was saying. It commenced to blow harder, raising the desert sands. But finally it had to recognise that, even making its way around the world, it didn't know how to turn a man into the wind. And it knew nothing about love.

'In my travels around the world, I've often seen people speaking of love and looking towards the heavens,' the wind said, furious at having to acknowledge its own limitations. 'Maybe it's better to ask heaven.'

'Well then, help me do that,' the boy said. 'Fill this place with a sandstorm so strong that it blots out the sun. Then I can look to heaven without blinding myself.'

So the wind blew with all its strength and the sky was filled with sand. The sun was turned into a golden disk.


# The Alchemist is available for loan from The National Library Board under the call number English COE.

# Books For The Soul is a weekly column that highlights books which move, comfort or inspire.

Carrey pleads for Suu Kyi

30 Aug 2007, ST

ACTOR-COMEDIAN Jim Carrey has made a straight-to-YouTube video. And it is not funny at all.

The 45-year-old Carrey - in a rare serious mode - appears in a new announcement on behalf of the Human Rights Action Centre and the US Campaign for Burma. The goal: To free Nobel laureate Aung San Suu Kyi, who has been confined by Myanmar's ruling military junta for 11 of the last 17 years.



'Even though she's compared to a modern-day Gandhi or Nelson Mandela, most people in America still don't know about Aung San,' Carrey says in the filmed message, posted on Tuesday on YouTube.

'And let's face it: the name's a little difficult to remember.

'Here's how I did it: Aung San sounds a lot like 'unsung', as in unsung hero. Aung San Suu Kyi is truly an unsung hero.'

ASSOCIATED PRESS

Private battle with demons

30 Aug 2007, ST

By James Martin

THE stunning revelations contained in a new book, which show that Mother Teresa had doubted God's existence, will delight her detractors and confuse her admirers. Or is it the other way around?

The private journals and letters of the woman now known as Blessed Teresa of Kolkata will be released next month as Mother Teresa: Come Be My Light, and some excerpts have been published in Time magazine.

The pious title of the book, however, is misleading. Most of its pages reveal not the serene meditations of a Catholic sister confident in her belief, but the agonised words of a person confronting a terrifying period of darkness that lasted for decades.

'In my soul I feel just that terrible pain of loss,' she wrote in 1959, 'of God not wanting me - of God not being God - of God not existing.' According to the book, this inner turmoil, known to only a handful of her closest colleagues, lasted until her death in 1997.

Gleeful detractors may point to this as yet another example of the hypocrisy of organised religion. The woman widely known in her lifetime as a 'living saint' apparently did not even believe in God.

But it was not always so. In 1946, Mother Teresa, then 36, was hard at work in a girls' school in Kolkata when she fell ill. On a train ride en route to some rest in Darjeeling, she had heard what she would later call a 'voice' asking her to work with the poorest of the poor, and experienced a profound sense of God's presence.

A few years later, however, after founding the Missionaries of Charity and beginning her work with the poor, darkness descended on her inner life. In 1957, she wrote to the archbishop of Kolkata about her struggles, saying: 'I find no words to express the depths of the darkness.'

But to conclude that Mother Teresa was a crypto-atheist is to misread both the woman and the experience that she was forced to undergo.

Even the most sophisticated believers sometimes believe that the saints enjoyed a stress-free spiritual life - suffering little personal doubt. For many saints this is accurate: St Francis de Sales, the 17th-century author of An Introduction To The Devout Life, said that he never went more than 15 minutes without being aware of God's presence.

Yet the opposite experience is so common it even has a name. St John of the Cross, the Spanish mystic, labelled it the 'dark night', the time when a person feels completely abandoned by God, and which can lead even the most ardent of believers to doubt God's existence.

During her final illness, St Therese of Lisieux, the 19th-century French Carmelite nun who is now widely revered as 'The Little Flower', faced a similar trial, which seemed to centre on doubts about whether anything awaited her after death.

'If you only knew what darkness I am plunged into,' she said to the sisters in her convent. But Mother Teresa's 'dark night' was of a different magnitude, lasting for decades. It is almost unparalleled in the lives of the saints.

In time, with the aid of the priest who acted as her spiritual director, Mother Teresa concluded that these painful experiences could help her identify not only with the abandonment that Jesus Christ felt during the crucifixion, but also with the abandonment that the poor faced daily.

In this way she hoped to enter, in her words, the 'dark holes' of the lives of the people with whom she worked. Paradoxically, then, Mother Teresa's doubt may have contributed to the efficacy of one of the more notable faith-based initiatives of the past century.

Few of us, even the most devout believers, are willing to leave everything behind to serve the poor. Consequently, Mother Teresa's work can seem far removed from our daily lives. Yet in its relentless and even obsessive questioning, her life intersects with that of the modern atheist and agnostic.

'If I ever become a saint,' she wrote, 'I will surely be one of 'darkness'.'

Mother Teresa's ministry with the poor won her the Nobel Peace Prize and the admiration of a believing world. Her ministry to a doubting modern world may have only just begun.

The writer is a Jesuit priest and the author of My Life With The Saints.

Miss Teen USA hopeful's answer on Americans' bad grasp of geography becomes joke on Net

30 Aug 2007, New Paper

BY her own admission, Miss Lauren Caitlin Upton (left) joined beauty pageants to improve her personal communication skills.

But if her performance at last Friday's Miss Teen USA competition is anything to go by, she's going to need a lot more practice.

During the question and answer segment, Miss Upton, who represented South Carolina, tripped up spectacularly when she offered a meandering, ungrammatical and incoherent answer that turned her into a national joke.

PUT ON THE SPOT

The 18-year-old was put on the spot by pageant judge Aimee Teergarden, who asked her: 'Recent polls have shown a fifth of Americans can't locate the United States on a world map. Why do you think this is?'

Miss Upton replied: 'I personally believe that US Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some people out there in our nation don't have maps.



'And, uh, I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and, uh, the Iraq everywhere like, such as and I believe that they should, our education over here in the US should help the US, er, should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future for our children.'

Still, Miss Upton ended coming in fourth in the competition, which was won by Miss Teen Colorado Hilary Carol Cruz.

And although the pageant has ended, her ordeal continues.

The video of her humiliating moment has since been posted on video-sharing site YouTube, and has attracted more than three million viewers.

The video also drew scathing comments from viewers, such as 'sharp as a beachball, this one', and 'she'll probably make millions as America's stupidest blonde'.

Pageant host Mario Lopez later told People Magazine that he wanted to help Miss Upton, but had strict instructions not to talk to the contestants while they were answering.

'You don't know what the question is until you get up there. And I believe that she misunderstood it.'

To be sure, the Lexington High School graduate is no dummy.

She was an honours student who graduated with a 3.5 grade-point average, and was also a varsity athlete and student leader.

As for her meltdown, she said: 'I seriously think I only heard about one or two words of the actual question.'

But she redeemed herself on the show when Today interviewer Matt Lauer offered her another go.



'My friends and I, we know exactly where the United States is on our map. I don't know anyone else who doesn't. And if the statistics are correct, I believe there should be more emphasis on geography.'

Cherie Chung's husband dies

29 Aug 2007, ST, Life

HONG KONG - Retired Hong Kong actress Cherie Chung's husband of 16 years has died at 53.

Prominent advertising businessman Michael Chu (with Chung) died of cancer at the Hong Kong Sanatorium and Hospital, the South China Morning Post quoted hospital sources as saying.



Apple Daily said Chu had colon cancer and died last Friday.

On Monday, Chung, 47, was nowhere to be seen when reporters camped outside her home and at the hospital following news of the death.

Chu was said to be seriously ill when he and Chung were photographed visiting an acupuncturist in May. He looked gaunt but she denied that he was ill.

Reports said Chu, who founded an advertising firm which merged with The Ball Partnership in 1988, had been ill for three years. Last week, he was hospitalised when his condition worsened.

Chung, who went into movies after being named Most Photogenic in the 1979 Miss Hong Kong pageant, retired after marriage in 1991. The couple, said to be very loving, have no children.

Mother Teresa's letters reveal crises of faith

27 Aug 2007, ST

MOTHER Teresa, who is one step short of being made a Catholic saint, suffered crises of faith for most of her life and even doubted God's existence, according to a set of letters.

'Jesus has a very special love for you. As for me, the silence and the emptiness is so great that I look and do not see, listen and do not hear,' the missionary wrote to one confidant, Reverend Michael Van Der Peet, in 1979.

The letters, some of which she wanted destroyed, appear in Mother Teresa: Come Be My Light, due to be published next week, 10 years after her death.

Extracts of the book appear in the latest edition of Time magazine.

In more than 40 letters spanning some 66 years, the ethnic Albanian nun who devoted her life to working with the poor in the slums of Kolkata in India, writes of the 'darkness', 'loneliness' and 'torture' she is undergoing.

'Where is my faith - even deep down right in there is nothing, but emptiness and darkness - My God - how painful is this unknown pain - I have no faith,' she wrote in an undated letter addressed to Jesus.

'If there be God - please forgive me - When I try to raise my thoughts to heaven - there is such convicting emptiness.'

In her early life, Mother Teresa, also known as 'the saint of the gutters', had visions. In one, she talked to a crucified Jesus on the cross.

But the letters reveal that apart from a brief respite in 1959, she spent most of the last 50 years of her life doubting God's presence - much at odds with her public face.

In one letter, written in 1959, she wrote: 'If there be no God - there can be no soul - if there is no soul then Jesus - You also are not true.'

The book's compiler and editor Reverend Brian Kolodiejchuk is a member of Mother Teresa's Missionaries of Charity and was responsible for petitioning for her sainthood. She was beatified - one step short of sainthood - in 2003.

'I've never read a saint's life where the saint has such an intense spiritual darkness. No one knew she was that tormented,' said Rev Kolodiejchuk.

Mother Teresa's successor said yesterday that the revelations would not hamper her path to sainthood.

'I don't think it will have any effect on the process of sainthood for Mother Teresa,' said Sister Nirmala, who succeeded Mother Teresa as the head of the Missionaries of Charity.

Cardinal Angelo Scola, the patriarch of Venice, said the letters showed Mother Teresa was 'one of us, that she did all her work as we do, no more no less'.

AGENCE FRANCE-PRESSE, ASSOCIATED PRESS

When it comes to religion, give children some space

27 Aug 2007, ST

Intense religious instruction during kid's upbringing may do more harm than good

By Tessa Wong

LAST Thursday, I took a trip down memory lane with my parents while watching Jesus Camp, a documentary film about an evangelical Christian summer camp for children in the United States.

It was like watching my whole childhood play out on the big screen as I have a similar religious background. Speaking in tongues? Check. Fervent proselytising to strangers? Check. Emotional prayer sessions? Check.

After the film, my parents and I started discussing whether bringing up children with religious traditions was ever justifiable.

They thought so, arguing that such education was not 'brainwashing', but merely teaching children how to be good by bringing them up in the ways of God.

I agreed with them on that count. After all, parents have the right to teach their children moral values, however they see fit, and religion is often seen as the best tool to achieve this goal.

I do not doubt the merits of such an education. I am grateful my parents used Christianity to instil strong moral values in me.

Yet, I feel it can get sticky when parents take things to extremes, as is sometimes the case.

The children in Jesus Camp, for example, were taught they are soldiers at the forefront of a radical 'culture war' in the US between the religious right and liberal left.

They were told, therefore, to support President George W. Bush and adopt conservative views on issues such as abortion and global warming.

This, I believe, crossed that fine line between using religion to teach good values, and indoctrinating a child with political bias.

It also illustrates how bringing up a child in a religious environment, while sometimes beneficial, also deprives him of the free will to choose what he wants to believe.

One may argue that children can exercise choice as they grow up. But with such intense drilling, how many of them actually will?

What is more, being steeped in fervent religiosity at such a young age can sometimes cause much angst and confusion in later years, as it was in my case.

For many years, I was conflicted: There were beliefs I was supposed to subscribe to, and there were the beliefs I gradually developed, independent of Sunday school.

I found I disagreed with the notion that just because something wasn't biblical, it wasn't good.

It also did not help that my early fervent religiosity was induced using slightly unethical means.

My childhood years were an emotional whirlwind. Scenes in Jesus Camp showing anguished children tearfully breaking down at prayer sessions, urged by pastors to repent for their sins, were extremely familiar to me.

Some evangelical Christians justify such pressure. They say it is necessary to teach humility and subservience to God. But I tend to see it as emotional coercion of an innocent child, with any resulting trauma possibly outweighing any good.

While using religion to mould a child is perfectly acceptable, parents should exercise a light touch and give their children room to think independently.

After all, isn't it choice that empowers children

Briyani at its best

26 Aug 2007, ST

By Tan Hsueh Yun

FOR briyani fans who are tired of the long queues at Allauddin's Briyani in Tekka Market, there's an alternative for when the craving hits.

The quirkily named Lucky Prata at Lucky Plaza is a clean, bright, air-conditioned restaurant on the first floor of the mall.

Don't be confused by the extensive menu of Indian-Muslim food or the name - the star item is really the briyani, an Indian dish of spiced rice and meat.

The fluffy basmati rice has a mesmerising fragrance from the spices and the almond milk used to cook it. It's rich - there are also cashew halves dotted among the rice grains - but not in a cloying way.

The $5.50 you pay for the Chicken Briyani set (inset) gets you a heap of rice, a tender chicken leg and thigh piece with a pretty spicy kick and a thickish gravy, a scoop of tangy cucumber salad and a crispy pappadum. It's great value and delicious to boot.

And since we were in a restaurant called Lucky Prata, we just had to try some. The pratas ($2 for two) are quite different from the crispy discs you get at hawker centres. Instead, the flat breads are thicker and more doughy, and alas, less crisp.

Owner Mohamed Jafrullah, 48, says this is how pratas should be done. Anyone can make a crispy prata, he says, you just need to fry it in lots of oil and clarified butter or ghee. His are softer and made with less oil.

They may appeal to the health-conscious, but I still prefer pratas that crackle. But if you do order them, get some Fish Curry ($3.50) too. It's made with fresh seabream and the mildly spicy gravy is perfect for dunking pieces of prata into.

The restaurant sees a steady stream of customers from when it opens at 8am. It's a multi-racial crowd, proving that Mr Mohamed had figured out what was lacking in Orchard Road: a restaurant that served cheap and good Indian food. The businessman, who runs three perfume shops in Lucky Plaza, says: 'I found it hard to find food for lunch. You have high-class restaurants, but they're not for everyday eating.'

So he hired two chefs from Chennai who used to work in five-star hotels there and started Lucky Prata in October last year.

It's now my go-to place for briyani.


LUCKY PRATA
01-42/43/44 Lucky Plaza
Tel: 6235-5223
Opening hours: 8am to 9pm
Rating: ****

Punggol revisited

26 Aug 2007, ST

Only two out of the four seafood eateries that operated at the old Punggol Point until 1995 are still around

ON A busy weekend night, up to 2,000 people could sit around tables strewn in the open air, feasting on crabs and mee goreng.

Nearby, anglers fished on the jetty, enjoying the gentle sea breeze.

This was a typical scene at Punggol Point in the 1970s and 1980s, when four seafood restaurants operated from that corner.

They were resettled in the mid-1990s. Only two remain in business: Ponggol Choon Seng and Ponggol Hock Kee.

Although the laidback, kampung feel of the old Punggol is gone, both restaurants boast original chefs and long-serving waitresses.

But Choon Seng's manager William Lai admits that 'business is tough' as there are many more seafood restaurants now compared to the old days.

To stay competitive, it has opened branches in housing estates in Bukit Timah, Changi and Hougang to capture a different crowd. It also limits its seating capacity at each outlet to about 60 to keep overheads low.

'We will do just one round of business so that our customers can have a relaxed meal without being rushed,' Mr Lai says.

In comparison, Hock Kee, which used to be at the former World Trade Centre, Hougang Mall and later East Coast Park chalet, has just one outlet which can accommodate about 350 people.

It moved to its present premises at Marina Country Club in Punggol in January last year.

'The regulars who used to dine at the old Punggol Point are slowly coming back,' says Hock Kee's manager Ting Cheng Ping. 'I'm optimistic that as more people move to this area, the F&B business will definitely pick up.'

--------------------------

... Ponggol seafood (old Ponggol Hock Kee)

By WONG AH YOKE

I REMEMBER having gone to this restaurant only a few times during the 1980s, when I wanted a break from Choon Seng.

Its advantage was that it was located on the water's edge and you could see the twinkling lights in Johor on the horizon while you dined.

Its premises now at the Marina Country Club are bigger and the crowds are smaller, so it feels a lot less cramped than the old place.

But there is still no air-conditioning, and instead of the sea, you look over the club's swimming pool.

Service has not improved from the old days either.

During my dinner last week, two people had to share a finger bowl, and nobody refilled our tea cups after we had drained them.

Thankfully, the cooking, too, was still the way I remembered it.

The chilli crab ($35 a kg) came in a thick gravy that was rich with egg. But it could do with a wee bit more chilli and ketchup for more kick.

The crab was meaty but a bit tough, a sign perhaps that it was overcooked. But there was plenty of roe embedded under the shell.

The famous mee goreng ($5) was a small serving and the prawns were not very big. But it boasted a fabulous flavour, with plenty of what the Cantonese call wok hei (literally 'wok breath'), a slight smokiness that came from frying in a red-hot wok.

And the crispy baby squid ($9) was simply fabulous. It stayed absolutely crispy right till the end of the meal.

The sticky, dark sauce, which had an interesting tang to its honey sweetness, tasted a bit overpowering on its own, but mixed with the shredded lettuce that lined the bottom of the plate, it was perfect.

The serving was small, but enough for two people.

Going to this restaurant is like taking a trip back in time.

Travelling along Punggol Road, you find the brightly lit three-lane road transform suddenly into a single-lane one once you leave the HDB flats behind. It is the old road that leads to the old seafood restaurants, unchanged and still unlit at stretches.

But it is a trip worth taking if you are looking for some nostalgia. And go quick, because it is not going to stay that way for long.


Food: *** 1/2
Service: ** 1/2
Ambience: ** 1/2
Price:The three dishes plus a mixed vegetable cost $59.95. There is no service charge.


600 Ponggol Seventeenth Avenue
Tel: 6448-8511
Open: 11.30am to 2pm, 5.30 to 10.30pm (Mondays to Fridays); 11.30am to 10.30pm (Saturdays, Sundays and public holidays)

----------------------------

...Ponggol Choon Seng Seafood Restaurant (Greenwood)

By WONG AH YOKE

BACK in the 1980s, Choon Seng was where I went for chilli crab and seafood mee goreng.

The non air-conditioned eatery at Punggol offered no frills and was not even at the water's edge, but it had great food.

The only interesting thing to watch was the sight of SBS buses making a three-point turn to get out of the dead-end road.

Today, the restaurant's main branch is located in a classy private estate in the Bukit Timah area. The place is air-conditioned and service is good.

During my visit last week, for example, we got one finger bowl per person and the waitress was quick to bring paper napkins and packs of wet towelettes when the chilli crab ($38 per kg) arrived at the table.

But the cooking was not what it used to be.

The gravy would have been pretty tasty if it had not been so watery. One could taste hints of its piquant spicy flavours only if one concentrated hard.

But I suspect it wasn't that the chef had intended to water down the gravy. The liquid quite likely came from the crab itself, which was not very big or meaty although its 0.9kg weight should have indicated otherwise.

Watery crabs are those that have recently moulted and have not had time to fatten up in their new shell yet.

I had loved those meaty Sri Lankan crabs from the Choon Seng of yore but this seemed a poor cousin.

And there wasn't any roe to be found in the dish either.

The famous mee goreng ($10), too, was not the way I remembered it. The noodles were a bit hard and the taste was a little flat.

The chef was generous with the seafood though, with big prawns and pieces of succulent squid to make up for the poor noodles.

But the biggest disappointment was with the crispy baby squid ($20).

It was a huge plate, enough for four people at least, but the squid was more chewy than crispy. Which quite missed out the appeal of this dish.

Come here for comfort and good service, but there is better food to be found elsewhere.


Food: ** 1/2
Service: *** 1/2
Ambience: ***


Price: The three dishes plus a dish of sweet potato leaves cost $90.65, including taxes.
14, Greenwood Avenue
Tel: 6465-4621
Open: 11.30am to 3pm, 5.30 to 10.30pm. Closed for lunch on Mondays

Take the plunge

26 Aug 2007, ST

Aquatic exercise can help to strengthen muscles and burn calories

ATLANTA - Whether you swim like a fish or sink like a rock, you can shape your body in a pool of water. Just get in and get moving.

Studies indicate that walking, jogging and other movements in at least waist-deep water strengthen and stretch muscles.

Exercises performed against the natural, gentle resistance of water also define ab and back muscles and stabilise the lower back.

Water's buoyancy causes less stress on joints and supports weak or injured muscles, so doctors often recommend it as therapy for people with chronic illnesses and arthritic conditions who need to increase their range of motion and develop balance and stability.

Buoyancy also reduces or eliminates the pain caused by moving against the resistance of gravity. 'A lot of people forget the benefits of water,' says Christie Stewart, GIT Fit director at Georgia Tech's Campus Recreation Center, which offers shallow and deep water fitness classes.

'Younger adults (especially) believe the myth that they'll get a better workout on land, but water workouts burn a lot of calories and produce a good workout.'

According to the Aquatic Exercise Association, 400 to 500 calories are burned in a one-hour water fitness class. Actual amounts depend on your weight, length of limbs, speed and intensity of your movements and depth and temperature of the water.

While some experts argue that water exercise alone does not yield significant weight loss, most agree it burns calories and tones muscle.

Because the movements are easy, and the water relaxing, you tend to move for longer periods of time and reap more benefits from exercise.

'A calorie is a calorie, so it doesn't matter where it comes from,' says Walter Thompson, professor of kinesiology (human movement) and health at Georgia State.

Georgia Tech water fitness instructor Georgia Braxton says: 'It's both a mental and physical break. You can lose inches and inhibitions.'

A nonswimmer, Braxton wore a life jacket during the first week as a water fitness student.

Two years later, her fear of water is gone - although she still does not swim - and so are inches off her body. Her dress size dropped from size 10 to size 4.

Of her fear of water, she says: 'If I overcame it, then anybody can.'

NYT

---------------------------

Why water?

Buoyancy: The 'light touch' allows people to do exercises they may find difficult on land. Ninety per cent of your body is buoyant when you are in the water up to your neck, so you do not hit the floor as hard. No pounding or jarring.

Resistance: This is a continual force against every move you make, 12 to 14 times more than on land. Resistance does not allow for sudden body movements.

Cooling effects: Water disperses heat more efficiently, so there is less chance of overheating. The water continuously cools the body.

Exercise in water is cooler and more comfortable than it is on land.

Source: United States Water Fitness Association

---------------------------

Tips for safe and enjoyable workouts

# Buddy up. Try to find a partner to join you. If you're alone, make sure someone else is nearby in case of an emergency.

# Don't drink alcohol before. It impairs your balance, coordination and judgment, and alters your body's physiological response to exercise.

# Wait after eating. Postpone your workout for two to three hours after a big meal. Delay at least one hour before a light workout.

# Warm up. Begin with a jog or bounce, bending your knees then straightening.

# Breathe well. Inhale at the height of the jump and exhale at the lowest point near the water to prevent swallowing water.

# Check bottom. To avoid blisters on your toes or feet, wear water-training shoes or make sure the pool surface is smooth.

# Begin slow. Increase the pace of movements and height of jumps gradually. Listen to your body and slow down if necessary.

Source: The Complete Waterpower Workout Book by Lynda Huey and Robert Forster

He left us for another woman

26 Aug 2007, ST

In this fortnightly series, relationship gurus Allan and Barbara Pease offer advice for you and your better half. The married couple from Australia are the authors of Why Men Lie And Women Cry. Send your questions to info@peaseinternational.com

By RELATIONSHIPS MATTER Allan and Barbara Pease

My husband has abandoned me and our two children for his lover. Times are difficult and once I saw my son punching a photograph of his father. I told him to pray.

The pain is great and is still there, especially when I am alone. I feel betrayed and humiliated. I have lost all my self-confidence over the incident.

Barbara says: I feel for you. Being left for another woman is very difficult to bear. It destroys trust and damages self-esteem.

You have been very brave and showed strength when you advised your son to pray. It is okay to feel and acknowledge anger, but not to show hatred or wish for revenge. Those feelings harden the heart and soul.

But it is time to look ahead and your children should rightly be your first priority. They need a healthy and emotionally balanced Mum and stable environment.

I know it will be difficult, but you need to collect all the strength that you have already shown you have, and provide them with as happy and loving a home as possible.

Allan says: To raise emotionally stable children, you have to explain to them what has happened. Talk to them about their father having a different life away from them now, but that he still loves them.

Children tend to take the blame themselves for the loss of the relationship and feel a good deal of guilt. It is important to assure them that they are not to blame.

Tell them that things in their life will change, but that it will be okay. Tell your husband that you still want him involved in the children's lives and happiness.

Sit down as a family and get your husband to explain his new situation, and that he is still their father and loves them.

What you should do: If your emotions will let you, try to see the positive side of this situation. There is a reason for what happened, and you never know what the future has in store for you.

Spend a lot of quality time with your children as it will lighten your spirit and strengthen your family bond.

Although your soul will cry out for a different behaviour, try to think friendly thoughts about your husband, and speak well of him to the children. They will pick up on your positive emotions and act accordingly.

Your children love you and want to protect you, but it is important to keep your negative emotions to yourself.

Try to be as rational as you possibly can when you ask your husband to come and talk to the children. He may not agree to your request if you express negative emotions or accuse him of wrongdoing.

Show him that you accept his decision about starting a new life. This will be emotionally demanding and it may be good to seek professional help to guide you through this difficult time.

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I was in a relationship for seven years. Although we never spoke about breaking up, it feels like it's over now and I have difficulty letting go.

For seven years, I supported him emotionally and financially. I felt that whenever there was something wrong, I got blamed.

He misinterpreted my friendships with other men and made me suffer.

For the past three years, I have been in Singapore earning money for our future. He says our long-distance relationship does not work and admits to having four girlfriends now.

Barbara says:
I understand that you are feeling lost and lonely and trying to hang on to your love. Long-distance relationships are very hard to maintain, and the bond may need to be very strong for it to last.

You seem to be the stronger person and leader in your relationship. He appears to be an insecure man who relies on you for support, both emotionally and financially. As such, he has lost his path without you there.

This could be a good time for both of you to have an honest talk about what you each want in life, from your relationship and from each other.

Allan says: Traditionally, it was the man's 'job' to earn the family's living. He may feel threatened that you took the initiative to go overseas to earn money while he stayed at home without a job. He may feel the need to exert his power and keep his pride and dignity by dominating you.

You appear to have rewarded this behaviour by being devoted and submissive to him. Perhaps this is why you are now letting him control the future of your relationship by being the one who decides if he wants you or not.

What you should do: It is very important that you sort out your feelings. Reflect on your relationship.

How do you feel about the way he treats you at the moment, and how would you like to be treated? Ask yourself how you would like the relationship to be in the future. If you want it to change, then you need to communicate your feelings to your partner.

He needs to understand and accept that you will not tolerate his past behaviour any longer. He needs to understand that his actions hurt you, and you want that to change. Be firm and confident, without condemning him.

Older is really harder to do

26 Aug 2007, ST

By Bertha Henson

LATELY, my mother has been bugging me to adopt a child. Not to worry, she says, she will do all the child-rearing. And I can carry on working all I want.

Which makes me wonder why I should adopt a child in the first place. Then she tells me, it is an 'insurance policy'.

She belongs to the generation which cleaves to the idea that the children's job is to take care of their parents in their old age. Tables turned, role reversal, part of the cycle of life. Enough said.

Would that life were so simple.

Dear Mum, a child or two is no longer a guarantee of a comfortable old age. Children have their own children, making up that sandwich class who complain about being hardly able to breathe trying to cater to three generations.

But think deeper and there is another change at work - values are changing, too.

Ask anyone if he or she would take care of their parents later in life and of course, the answer is yes. Ask if they are now giving their parents an allowance and I am not so sure what the answer will be.

It used to be that the first thing a child does when he or she goes out to work is to 'give money' to parents.

It was an automatic, reflex action, done maybe to relieve parents of some financial burden or simply to watch their faces fill with pride when the money is handed over.

I know of children - mainly those in my, aahhh, near-to-middle-age group - who part with half or almost all their monthly salary, especially if they're still living under their parents' roof.

But I also know that many younger ones do not, citing reasons such as 'my parents don't need it' or 'it's money I worked for'.

Their undemanding, uncomplaining parents are probably just happy that their grown-up children have some earning power.

Mostly educated up to tertiary levels, they don't like to ask, especially after affording everything from maids to tutors all their lives.

They are probably the ones who used to tell relatives about how Ah Boy or Ah Girl worked at McDonald's to get themselves that Guess bag.

When I hear such talk, I always ask: Do they give you money?

The answer would be in the form of a moral: I don't need it but I am making sure my children know the value of hard work. To know that nothing comes for free.

Great, but what about the value of giving something back to your parents?

I digress.

The thing is, growing old is getting hard.

When the proposed Mental Capacity Bill was opened for discussion, I wondered about the state of the family. Has it come to pass that people have to be 'nominated' as care-givers? Are bonds of family and kinship not strong enough, but need the safeguard of the State to ensure no abuse?

It was the same feeling I had when the Maintenance of Parents Act came into force some years back. Errant children must be made to maintain their parents, yes, but why so many errant children to warrant legislation?

Okay, I admit the Mental Capacity Bill works for me. With no child to depend on, I had better think hard about who should be my carer when I am in my demented dotage.

But it was the Prime Minister's National Day Rally speech which brought home to me how difficult growing old is.

Admit it. Didn't you do a quick mental calculation on whether you would be affected by the gradual raising of the retirement age and CPF draw-down age?

I know I did.

I consoled myself that I had a choice. It is the employer who must offer terms of re-employment, not the employee who is obliged to stay on.

Then again, with your Central Provident Fund minimum sum locked up for longer, you have to keep working. Unless you are so prescient in financial planning that you have accumulated enough to live on - minus CPF. Kudos to you!

When it comes to the offer of re-employment some time down the road, I wonder how I will react?

Already, I see the pain on people's faces when they hit that big birthday age of 60 and have to be told that their salaries and CPF amounts will go down hence. Just imagine, you are worth less today than you were yesterday.

Perhaps, by the time I hit retirement age, I will be poor and lonely and so grateful to have a job, any job, at any salary.

It is the case for several old folk now, who want a job but can't get one.

Let me re-phrase that, they need a job to keep body and soul together, not merely to keep active. Work is not a choice.

I say this because there will be those who, after decades of running the treadmill, want the option of kicking back and relaxing, and doing all the things they dreamt of doing before they become absent-minded, weak in the knees and half-blind.

I wonder how many of us can exercise this choice amid financial security in future?

My mother has the answer: Have children, who will take care of you. Then their children will take care of them, and their children's children...

But what she really means is this: It is time to reset those values. If children are working and give you money, take it. If they don't, just ask.

And no, Mum, I am still not adopting children.

High time to break the rules

26 Aug 2007, ST

By Tan Hsueh Yun

SOME people will tell you that nothing good comes out of growing older.

The body goes to pot, the eyesight starts fading, the memory isn't what it used to be and now, you have to wait even longer to get your Central Provident Fund money out.

In her funny book about ageing, I Feel Bad About My Neck, American film director and writer Nora Ephron writes about the moustache women get as a very unwelcome present when they hit menopause.

And from reading the Neck chapter, I've realised that I'm in a whole lot of trouble. After a certain age, women have to cover up their wrinkly and wattly necks with scarves and wear only turtlenecks. I have a short neck. Uh-oh.

The men don't have it any better. About 10 days ago, Life! ran a piece by Financial Times columnist Peter Aspden about surviving middle age and still being cool.

He says it like it is, detailing the alienation from the younger generation, the difficult balancing act of a man literally caught in the middle - he's lived half his life, how best to live the other half?

What struck me about Ephron's book and Aspden's piece was how much concern there was over appearances.

They say that, apart from the physical deterioration, you have to deal with what people think of you. Fall in love and people laugh at you. Drive a very fast, brightly coloured sports car and people whisper about your mid-life crisis. Fail to bleach that moustache or cover up the wattle and face being socially ostracised.

Aspden even gives a set of rules to follow, ranging from whether middle-aged men should wear jeans (yes) to whether they should consider plastic surgery (no).

He calls them rules for 'a group of people who always thought they would never need them'.

And that was where he lost me.

I don't see why people who run companies (or even countries), who have raised children, who have eaten more salt than the rest of us have eaten rice, as the old saying goes, still need rules to live by.

At this point, I should confess that I have a vested interest in this. I am, after all, lurching towards middle age and even now, I don't want people telling me how I should live my life.

I may be the only one to feel that way. Just type 'rules' in the amazon.com search engine and you get pages and pages of book titles about them. They range from rules to help you find Mr Right and to conduct effective meetings to rules for marriage and for weight-lifting.

The slick marketing behind these titles targets what we've been conditioned to believe all our lives: follow the rules like a good girl/boy and everything will be okay.

I can think of no quicker route to fuddy-duddidom.

Rules make sense when you're young and don't know any better. But when you're older, they are really just a terrible hindrance.

They tell you to forget self-determination and give up engaging with life. They force you to follow a certain pathway when you should be doing what feels right for you.

Rules are there to smooth things over socially, to make sure nothing ever gets out of hand, to keep you in line. Notice how this benefits everyone but you?

They make it easier for marketeers to induce panic buying of products you don't need. Resist, I say, resist with all your might.

You've earned the right to make your own decisions with the knowledge gleaned from your life experiences.

Most of us make the right ones, whether it is about relationships or what to order in a restaurant. And if you have spectacularly bad taste in cars, clothes or hairstyles, well maybe it's just a quirky part of you that makes for interesting conversation. Even if you're not taking part in that conversation.

When I grow old, I'd like to be one of those people that Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong mentioned in his National Day Rally speech last Sunday - Old PWA, or Person With Attitude. That's how feisty ex-academic Ann Wee, 81, describes herself.

Old Persons With Attitude don't care what others think of them. They don't need rules to live by. They just live.

So I salute all the ponytail-sporting, bright yellow Lamborghini driving, spandex-clad, wattle-revealing middle-aged people out there. Thank you for breaking the rules.

I can't afford a sports car and don't want one but I am nurturing my natural tendency towards crankiness very carefully. It should be totally full blown by the time I hit 60 and I shall unleash it with great glee.

Allow me this, at least, because having an attitude and breaking the rules look to be the only good things about growing old.

The secret to a happy old age

26 Aug 2007, ST

Work till 67 and live till 80? Instead of jumping for joy, why does the thought of that depress me so?

By Sumiko Tan

ALTHOUGH the Prime Minister's National Day Rally speech last Sunday contained good news, I found myself feeling alarmed, then depressed, as I listened to it.

Two things got me feeling blue - the fact that I'll be able to work till I'm 67, up from the current retirement age of 62, and that the life expectancy for Singaporeans has risen dramatically to 80, with many living even longer.

Yes, I do realise I sound ungrateful.

Who would not be happy to be assured of being gainfully employed up to his late 60s, and so still have an income stream to pay for life's necessities not to mention a few treats? And who does not want to live up to a ripe old age?

Thing is, the reality might not be so rosy.

The living-past-80 scenario got me really worried.

It's just a general statistic, of course, and does not necessarily apply to me.

But I've always worked on the assumption that I won't live beyond, at most, 70. In fact, given the prevalence of diseases, especially female-related ones, I'm aware that I might even have to bid this world adieu in my 60s or even 50s.

And when it comes to work, the currently mandated 62 has always seemed a good time to say goodbye to a cubicle existence.

I've been planning my life and finances based on these scenarios.

Recently, I employed the services of a financial adviser to chart my 'financial roadmap'. She gave me a list of questions to answer, among them when I hoped to retire or 'achieve financial freedom'.

I thought hard about it.

While I enjoy my work, there will be a time to call journalism quits.

I could take my leave at 62, but between leaving when I'm still performing and wanted, and waiting till I hit 62 and getting that letter telling me to go, isn't it better for my ego to opt for the former?

Fifty-eight, I reckoned, would be a good age to retire. I could walk out with my head held high and have another 12 years or so left of my life to pursue other interests.

As to the income I'd need, I told the adviser that I'd want to maintain my current standard of living.

A few weeks later, I received my 'comprehensive financial plan'. The prognosis was bad.

To retire at 58 and continue living the way I do, I'd need to accumulate much, much more money than I now have to my name.

And if I took into account expenses should I fall sick or become permanently disabled, I was looking at a mind-blowing shortfall.

And that is a scenario based on me conking out in my 70s. To be now told there was a chance I could live beyond 80 wasn't good news at all.

And while a later retirement age would help financially, must so much of one's life really be devoted to the baleful boredom and nasty politics that constitute the bulk of working life?

I went to bed last Sunday feeling disturbed.

TRUTH be told, it isn't really the burdensome financial aspects that keep me awake. Nor is it the thought of toiling away at the keyboards for more years on end.

Basically, I'm just afraid of old age.

Maybe it's because of the way Singapore society regards the old.

There is concern for them, even pity, but when a person no longer contributes economically, his value in society dives. Unless you are (or were) an important or rich person, old people tend to get short shrift.

There's also no running away from how age brings inexorable mental and physical decline. It's enough to sometimes make me think that it's better to live fast, die young and leave a beautiful corpse, like James Dean and Marilyn Monroe.

The ideal would be what the PM described as a 'rectangular' life - to have a happy and meaningful life for as long as you live and then a quick and painless end.

But life isn't so neat and I've seen enough examples of harrowing old age to be afraid. My father was bedridden for seven painful years, hooked to a feeding tube, before he died.

So what is one to do? How does one confront old age with the right attitude?

Then again, maybe it won't be that bad. Maybe the prospect of growing old is more horrifying than actually growing old.

When I was in my 20s and 30s, the idea of ever hitting 40 horrified me. Would there be anything worth living for at that age, I wondered.

But to be completely honest - and I'm not being defensive or self-deluded here - I'm actually happier and more at peace today than I was in my 30s and definitely in my 20s.

Yes, my skin was tauter and hair more lustrous back then, but I was also insecure, full of tantrums, overly sensitive and too demanding of everyone, everything and myself. It's not a place I'd want to revisit.

The issue is whether this equanimity I feel now at 43 can continue when I hit 53, 63 or, heaven forbid, older. Or will there come a time when the good vibes just die?

In the end, it's back to that old chestnut, the meaning of life, isn't it?

Everyone - young and old - is searching for validation and happiness. Some do it via others (a spouse, mate or children). Others seek material goods for fulfilment (a snazzier car, a nicer apartment). Yet others rely on religion and acts of altruism.

How does one be happy?

Perhaps a key could lie in the ability to find joy in what you already have right here and right now, rather than hankering for something grander in a future that will never come.

Maybe it's about appreciating the moment and finding happiness in what you might otherwise take for granted - an SMS from someone you're deeply in love with, say, or discovering a song that speaks to you, or just soaking in the beauty of a rainy day.

Then again, perhaps I've got it all wrong. I've probably not eaten enough salt to know the answers on how best I should brace myself for that journey towards old age.

If you who are older and wiser have the answers, please let me know.

Teen Territory

26 Aug 2007, ST

Forget Orchard Road - teens prefer to hang out at certain malls that cater to various 'clans' and activities

By Emily Lek

THESE malls may not be as swanky as Orchard Road's Paragon.

But they are home grounds for teen clans, who cluster there the way Centrepoint Kids did the downtown mall in the 1980s.

Meet today's teen territories: Sunshine Plaza, Katong Shopping Centre, Paradiz Centre, Peninsula Plaza, Queensway Shopping Centre and Serene Centre.

Their clans: Young 'otakus' - anime fans - at Sunshine Plaza at Middle Road. 'Emo' teens at Peninsula Plaza at Coleman Street.

Along Farrer Road, Serene Centre's Island Creamery is 'chill out' headquarters for students after - and during - school hours.

And for teen operators with class activities to organise, Queensway is the place for deals in class T-shirts and sports jerseys.

Darren Wee and Dominic Chua, both 15, are among those who prefer the low-profile Sunshine Plaza to mega malls.

The self-confessed 'otakus' go there just to ogle the Japanese models and figurines at the mall's five anime shops. The two Ngee Ann Secondary school students even travel from Tampines to Middle Road - and back again - thrice weekly.

They laze on the couch of Anime House, reading manga - which they rent for $1.50 each - for up to five hours each time.

Dominic says: 'We always come here to celebrate the end of our exams, even though this mall may not be as 'happening' as those along Orchard Road.'

Over at 'emo' central - or 'Penin', as its kohl-eyelined regulars call it - rockers unite especially on Saturdays, when gigs are held at Home Club at The Riverwalk.

Among them is 20-year-old Mohammad Aliff, a Millenia Institute graduate. He is there by noon on weekends to check out guitar shops that leave him 'spoilt for choice'.

He then trawls shops for 'emo' outfits - skinny jeans, all-black T-shirts and must-have hooded jackets - and leaves the mall only after seven in the evening.

But he does not loiter outside the plaza. He wants to avoid conflicts with the skinheads and metalheads who hang out there.

Buying is not the main reason for making trips - this is the teen budget, after all. But the teens may spend a few hundred bucks each on coveted items when they do make purchases.

Mohammad says: 'It's a one-stop shopping destination for us emos. It's what we can call home. All the other shopping centres look the same to me.'

Other clans are there for activities.

Teen pool players head to Paradiz even though glittering Orchard Road is just minutes away.

Pan Rui Hua, 19, spends two to three days a week, including weekends, at its arcade-cum-pool place Snookerium, where a pool-table booking costs just $8 per hour.

The first-year Republic Polytechnic student says: 'Whenever someone in school mentions pool, everyone will start talking about this place.'

Teen-friendly eateries have sprung up to cater to the pool hall teens, with Subway and Suki Sushi offering student promotions - ranging from $17.90 for a lunch buffet on weekdays to $18.90 for the same on weekends.

But why pay at all? Free food, even a sliver, is what gets the likes of Ryan Colond, 17, to Serene Centre.

Specifically, the free Pocky, Milo and Horlicks powder for topping sundaes at Island Creamery.

The Catholic Junior College student helps himself to a large serving of the toppings to go with the blackforest and brandy cherry ice-cream that he enjoys with his friends up to three times a week.

The mall, in fact, is a favourite haunt of 'ponners' - teen parlance for those who skip or ponteng classes - from schools nearby.

Ryan, a first-year student, says: 'Sometimes I skip lessons to study here with my friends. Besides being a great place to relax at, Serene Centre is also our fave study spot.'

Then, there is Katong Shopping Centre, whose five LAN gaming cafes have no shortage of teen gamers.

Not only do they come from nearby schools still dressed in uniforms, some even work in the cafes, holding down part-time jobs as cashiers there.

St Patrick's Secondary School students Sean Lee, 17, and Manfred Woo, 16, go there at least twice a week, spending three hours each time. They prefer hanging out there rather than at malls in Orchard, which they dismiss as 'boring and crowded'.

Says Manfred: 'There's nothing to do in Orchard besides looking out for chicks.'

The presence of teen clans these days does not bother operators, unlike the shopowners of the 1980s.

Says Mr Tay Eng Keong, owner of anime shop Latendo in Sunshine Plaza: 'The mall operators never planned for it to be an 'otaku' hub. But we're happy that it has evolved into such a place - because more people will come to know about our mall.'

-----------------------------------

Hot hangouts

Peninsula Plaza, aka 'Penin', the Emo Hub

Who goes: Rockers of all kinds, including emos, metalheads, skinheads.

The attraction: Jamming studios that bands can rent for practice, guitar shops and 'emo' fashionwear. The best time to catch them? Saturdays at around 8pm, when gigs at the nearby Home Club start.



Sunshine Plaza, aka Otaku Hangout

Who goes: Teen 'otakus', those with an anime obsession.

The attraction: A cluster of five shops selling Cosplay figurines, anime and Made-in-Japan aircraft and railway models. The teens rent mangas for $1.50 at Anime House, #01-50. No couch rent.



Queensway Shopping Centre, aka Teen Operators District

Who goes: Teens on a mission to get the best T-shirt bargains for their classes.

The attraction: T-shirt and jersey-printing shops with the lowest prices, as well as budget-friendly sportswear. For those eating in a hurry, finger food from small eateries on the ground floor costs little more than a dollar.



Paradiz Centre, aka Teen Pool Central

Who goes: Teen pool players who go in groups weekly.

The attraction: Pool table rentals for $8 per hour at Snookerium, which also houses an arcade. After a budget pool game, go 'budget' for dinner at a food court, Subway or Suki Sushi.



Serene Centre, aka Ponners Hideout

Who goes: Stressed-out students who need to 'chill out' after school, or in between classes.

The attraction: Ice cream at Island Creamery, with Pocky for free, is just the thing to order.



Katong Shopping Centre, aka Gamers Paradise

Who goes: Student gamers who are too lazy to change out of their uniforms.

The attraction: Five cybercafes, most of which are lax about rules on school uniforms. Plus, being able to get examination papers photocopied on the second level - whether you use them or not.

Online lynch mob

26 Aug 2007, ST

Anime distributor Odex incurs wrath of Netizens over anti-piracy crackdown

By Chua Hian Hou

NETIZENS are waging a high-tech war against anime distributor Odex.

Wikipedia entries on Odex, for instance, have been turned into attacks on the firm, which has taken flak from the online world after news spread that it was going after people who downloaded anime illegally.

Some entries talk of how Odex goes around threatening to throw nine-year-olds in jail if they do not pay it $3,000.

Others tell tall tales of how those who could not pay the company were made to borrow from them at an exorbitant interest rate of 10 per cent.

Odex has denied both allegations. Its spokesman said it is monitoring the situation.

The firm recently obtained court orders which force Internet providers SingNet and StarHub to reveal the names of those who downloaded anime illegally.

The judge in the case against Pacific Internet, though, did not grant a similar order as Odex was only a sub-licensee and had no rights to sue.

But the smear campaign has gone on unabated and things have become so bad that one of Wikipedia's editors was compelled, in an Aug 14 entry, to tick off these 'contributors' and remind them to 'stick to facts and try to balance them'. Some of the more offensive posts have been taken down.

Popular websites such as Tomorrow.sg have also received many submissions - almost all of which had bad things to say about Odex, said Mr James Seng, one of the site's founders.

The outpouring of rage against the anime distributor, say Internet industry observers, is the clearest indication of how tech-savvy communities are wising up to the Internet's power as a propaganda tool.

Mr Seng noted that the community that Odex had targeted in its piracy crackdown was a very tech-savvy one, and so was able to employ many Internet propaganda techniques not used before.

These tactics include the Wikipedia edits and even uploading satirical videos making fun of Odex on video-sharing site YouTube.

Previously, upset Netizens contented themselves with whining on online forums. The furthest they went was to start an online petition occasionally.

Psychologist Daniel Koh said that online lynch mobs were more likely to hit out at anyone who appeared to be attacking their cause as they felt a 'sense of loyalty' with others in the community.

The sense of anonymity in an online world also lent them more courage in lashing out, he added.

But even as most simply go online to slam Odex, some users have been using the Internet in positive ways, Mr Seng pointed out.

He said these include digging up details of what the previously little-known company does, putting together repositories of copyright law-related information here and around the world, and collecting donations for those hit by the crackdown.

One was even able to unearth a damning post by an Odex director gloating about his campaign, for which he has had to apologise.

In fact, said a veteran public relations practitioner, the anti-Odex camp has probably 'won the propaganda battle'.

She declined to give her name because 'what if they come after me?'

She was referring to how some online users had threatened Odex staff with physical harm and even posted online personal information such as the home addresses of the people they believe are responsible for the crackdown.

All said and done though, communities need to temper their behaviour and pitch their points of view online ethically without going overboard by lying or making personal attacks.

This is easier said than done, said Mr Koh, especially when sentiments are running high, as is the case now.

He said that when this happens, 'people (will) act irrationally' to the point that they get carried away and are willing to do anything to advance their cause.

Just take 'Skurai', who had no qualms suggesting 'stunts' that downloaders can pull to milk donations and sympathy from the public and hopefully force Odex to end its crackdown.

He wrote: 'Ask around. Wait for someone poor to kena sue. Then write to The New Paper or The Straits Times, get a sad story from it.'

But lawyers warn that those who post wild allegations online could land in trouble.

Mr Mark Lim, director of law firm Tan Peng Chin LLC, said: 'If the allegations are untrue, and if they are able to obtain a court order to get the subscriber's information from their ISP, Odex can sue for defamation.'

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Online smear campaigns

'Drama bomb' launched at game company

EARLIER this year, gaming guild Goonfleet coordinated a massive smear campaign against Icelandic online game company CCP Games, as it believed CCP was favouring a rival guild.

Goonfleet took advantage of a long weekend, when CCP's staff were on vacation, to launch its 'drama bomb' - over 4,000 posts on CCP's forums alleging corruption.

Members alerted mainstream news agencies to cover the 'scandal'. Once reports appeared, members sent over 1,000 posts to news-voting site Digg, 250 comments to Slashdot, and multiple other edits to Wikipedia, to ensure that the scandal stayed on top of the news.

In the aftermath, CCP threatened Goonfleet with legal action, saying that the 'volume and timing of these near-simultaneous references is no coincidence: We (CCP) were the target of a carefully constructed and well-timed social engineering effort by one of the largest player groups in our community'.

Ultimately, though, Goonfleet won, forcing CCP to adopt changes to make its activities more transparent although the allegations against it were never proven.


'Dog Poop Girl' named and shamed

ANGRY that a South Korean undergraduate refused to clean up after her dog when it defecated on a subway train, a fellow passenger snapped a picture of her with his mobile phone and uploaded it online.

Within days, self-appointed Internet vigilantes had sniffed out who 'Dog Poop Girl' was, where she studied, lived, and who her family and friends were.

She was so humiliated publicly that she had to apologise publicly. She subsequently quit school.

Happy feet and shoes that fit

26 Aug 2007, ST

A Sunday Times weekly training plan for first-time marathoners who seldom run beyond 10km

By Jeanette Wang

LIKE fairy-tale princess Cinderella, runners too can find happiness in well-fitted shoes.

The perfect sole-mate can also help you avoid blisters and injuries.

Seasoned runner Paul Sng, 35, who runs about 40km weekly, learnt the importance of wearing the right running shoes the wrong way.

'I've worn shoes that were too narrow. My little toe got bruised and the toenail on the second toe turned black and fell off,' said the car salesman, who has six toes on his left foot.

'Another time, my shoes were too tight and my heel hurt like crazy, so I had to cut short my run.'

Worse injuries could befall a runner wearing the wrong shoes.

Dr Jason Chia, Changi Sports Medicine Centre's associate consultant sports physician, stressed on the importance of picking the right shoes for your foot type (see graphic).

He said: 'Inadequate support or cushioning in shoes can lead to injuries such as plantar fasciitis (heel pain) and shin splint.'

He added that a narrow toe box could cause pain in the forefoot, while loose-fitting shoes could cause blisters owing to excessive movement.

For longer races, such as marathons, he recommended shoes with more cushioning for better shock absorption.

He said: 'The number of steps taken to run a kilometre can be from 800 to 1,200. Each of these steps can exert forces of two to three times your body weight on landing.'

His advice is to buy shoes in the evening when the feet are slightly bigger. This will ensure that the shoes will not be too tight.

When trying on shoes, make sure to wear socks and lace up the shoes.

Ensure that there is a one thumb space in the toe box and enough room between your heel and the heel counter when your feet are pushed snugly forward.

Don't worry, be happy

25 Aug 2007, ST

New studies on happiness are focusing on more objective questions like freedom from fear and having choices

AMSTERDAM - The tiny Himalayan kingdom of Bhutan long ago dispensed with the notion of Gross National Product as a gauge of well-being. The king decreed that his people would aspire to Gross National Happiness instead.

That kernel of Buddhist wisdom is increasingly finding an echo in international policy and development models, which seek to establish scientific methods for finding out what makes us happy and why.

New research institutes are being created at venerable universities like Oxford and Cambridge to establish methods of judging individual and national well-being. Governments are putting ever greater emphasis on promoting mental well-being - not just treating mental illness.

'In much the same way that research of consumer unions helps you to make the best buy, happiness research can help you make the best choices,' said Dr Ruut Veenhoven, who created the World Database of Happiness in 1999.

When he started studying happiness in the 1960s, he used data from social researchers who simply asked people how satisfied they were with their lives, on a scale of zero to 10. But as the discipline has matured and gained popularity in the past decade, self-reporting has been found lacking.

By their own estimate, 'drug addicts would measure happy all the time', said Dr Sabina Alkire of the Oxford Poverty and Human Development Institute, which began work on May 30.

New studies add more objective questions into a mix of feel-good factors: education, nutrition, freedom from fear and violence, gender equality and perhaps most importantly, having choices.

'People's ability to be an agent, to act on behalf of what matters to them, is fundamental,' said Dr Alkire.

But if people say money can't buy happiness, they're only partially right.

Dr Veenhoven's database, which lists 95 countries, is headed by Denmark with a rating of 8.2, followed by Switzerland, Austria, Iceland and Finland, all countries with high per capita income. At the other end of the scale are much poorer countries: Tanzania rated 3.2, behind Zimbabwe, Moldova, Ukraine and Armenia.

The United States just makes it into the top 15 with a 7.4 index rating. While choice is abundant in America, nutrition and violence issues helped drag its rating down.

Wealth counts, but most studies of individuals show that income disparities count more. Surprisingly, however, citizens are no happier in welfare states, which strive to mitigate the distortions of capitalism than in purer free-market economies.

'In the beginning, I didn't believe my eyes,' said Dr Veenhoven of his data.

'Icelanders are just as happy as Swedes, yet their country spends half what Sweden does (per capita) on social welfare.'

In emphasising personal freedom as a root of happiness, Dr Alkire cited her study of women in the southern Indian state of Kerala, which showed that poor women who make their own choices score highly compared with women with strict fathers or husbands.

Adrian G. White, of the University of Leicester, included twice as many countries as Dr Veenhoven in his Global Projection of Subjective Well-being, which also measures the correlation of happiness and wealth. He, too, led his list with Denmark, Switzerland and Austria.

Bhutan, where less than half the people can read or write and 90 per cent are subsistence farmers, ranks No. 8 in his list of happy nations. Its notion of GNH is based on equitable development, environmental conservation, cultural heritage and good governance.

US researchers have found other underlying factors: Married people are more content than singles, but having children does not raise happiness levels; education and IQ seem to have little impact; attractive people are only slightly happier than the unattractive; the elderly - over 65 - are more satisfied with their lives than the young; friendships are crucial.

But the research also shows that many people are simply disposed to being either happy or disgruntled, and as much as 50 per cent of the happiness factor is genetic. Like body weight, moods can swing only so much from their natural 'set point'. So can you do anything about it? Some educators say you can.

People 'can be taught emotional resilience, self control, the habits of optimism, handling negative thoughts and much else', Anthony Seldon, Tony Blair's biographer and the headmaster of Wellington College in Britain, wrote recently in the Financial Times.

Seldon is developing happiness courses, working with the Institute of Well-being at Cambridge which was founded last November.

One recent book seeking to cash in on the well-being craze bears the English title Dutch Women Don't Get Depressed, though it's written in Dutch.

Dr Veenhoven says the title is off base: Statistically, women get depressed more often than men, and Dutch women aren't happier than others in the wealthy West.

He says that with the right combination of individual choices and government policy, nations can raise their happiness quotient by as much as 5 per cent.

In an influential 2004 academic paper, Martin Seligman, the University of Pennsylvania psychologist credited with launching the positive psychology movement in 1998, and Ed Diener of the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign encouraged policymakers to consider more than economic development in their planning.

'Although economic output has risen steeply over the past decades, there has been no rise in life satisfaction during this period, and there has been a substantial increase in depression and distrust,' they wrote.

British opposition leader David Cameron recently established a Quality of Life Policy Group to examine ways governments can legislate to boost national contentment levels. 'It's time we admitted that there's more to life than money, and it's time we focused not just on GDP, but on GWB - general well-being,' he said in a speech last year.

Even experts acknowledge the difficulty of assigning numerical scales to feelings, and they are still grappling with how best to refine definitions.

At Cambridge's Institute of Well-being, another group has expanded the standard happiness questionnaire to 50 items, and is incorporating it into a European Social Survey of 50,000 people.

It aims to weigh not only personal feelings ('I'm always optimistic about my future'), but how people function ('I feel I am free to decide for myself how to live my life') and their relationships with others ('To what extent do you feel that people in your local area help one another?').

'Happiness is more complicated than we originally thought,' said Dr Alkire.

AP

Happiness is...

25 Aug 2007, ST

RESEARCHERS have found some underlying factors for happiness.

# Married people are more content than singles, but having children does not raise happiness level.

# Education and IQ seem to have little impact on happiness.

# Attractive people are only slightly happier than the unattractive.

# The elderly - over 65 - are more satisfied with their lives than the young.

# Friendships are crucial if you want to be happy.

# As much as 50 per cent of the happiness factor is genetic. Like body weight, moods can swing only so much from their natural 'set point'. But educators say people can be taught the habits of optimism and how to handle negative thoughts.

AP

Indulge your inner child today

25 Aug 2007, ST

By Khoo How San

TODAY is 'Why? Day'. Never heard of it?

Never mind, you have xx hours left - depending on when you read this article and the main one by Dr Frank Starmer on this page - to go with the flow of your suppressed curiosity.

Let the child in you ask 'Why?' 'Why not?' 'How come?' 'What if?' 'But, but...' And let the child or kids in the family have their day, ergo, no question, no matter how wacky it seems to you, is to be dismissed out of hand today.

I like to believe that, like Dr Starmer, I have always been curious, and that I have had some role in my children's curiosity.

Eons ago, when I was a six-year-old, my dad finally got me a mechanical wristwatch (those were pre-digital days). Of course he conveniently failed to say where he bought it. But it impressed me: shockproof, waterproof, 17 jewels, automatic, it proudly declared on its faceplate.

Yes, I was curious - to see if it could be shocked. The good old very scientific drop test was initiated. Let's just say that after my experiment I still had a very accurate timepiece: it was very, very accurate twice a day.

Many, many years later, my own six-year-old daughter proved she had acquired my 'curiosity' genes.

We lived on the fifth storey of a five-storey walkup apartment block then, with a balcony where she would spend her weekend playtime. I bought her a battery-operated flying saucer toy, flashing lights and all.

Yes, she tested it. She reported very scientifically that it did not fly when, ahem, the drop test from the balcony was initiated. The good news for me is that she is still curious, and is a doctor training to be a scientist-clinician.

My other daughter is just as curious, in a more philosophical way. Once, we were on a holiday when she was three. At breakfast in San Francisco, we were served bao (Chinese buns). But the bao had a hole on top, presumably to let steam out.

She took a look at the bao in front of her and bawled, 'Who bit my bao?'

It was quite a scene as she was inconsolable. Someone chipped in: 'Look, everyone's bao has a hole in it.'

I would like to think it was her philosophical curiosity (from the particular to the general reasoning at work) that made her riposte: 'Who bit everybody's bao!'

She should be all right on her curiosity quotient (CQ). She has started university, reading philosophy, of course.

So, take the family out the rest of today, and together ask 'Why?' and so on. Look at road signs. Ponder over why a particular sign says 'Raised zebra crossing', yet has a drawing of a man crossing a street.

Recall those good old days when you studied, loved or hated science - and whether you crammed in useless formulae or learnt useful stuff like 'Which organ expands up to 10 times when excited?'

By the way, it's not what you think, you dirty-minded you. It's the pupil of the eye.

A web of curiosity

25 Aug 2007, ST

Net, search engines allow users to indulge curiosity - and learn

By Frank Starmer

SOME weeks ago, my young friend Su Suan - whose father has a Chinatown food court stall which I frequent - had her fifth birthday. A few days after that, I returned to the United States for a work week and my grandson Maxwell's fourth birthday.

What do Su Suan in Singapore and Maxwell in the US have in common, other than similar ages?

Both have boundless curiosity.

Their curiosity drives their passion for gaining new understanding and extending their knowledge base. It taught them language by the age of two or three, without a formal teacher.

I share their curiosity. My curiosity drives my passion for understanding and provides the energy to avoid giving up when something is difficult. It brought me and my wife to Singapore two years ago, when I became Associate Dean of Learning Technologies at Duke-NUS Graduate Medical School here.

Being a worker within the academic community for the past 40 years, I have had many opportunities to observe young learners.

I use the term learner specifically to separate my perspective from that of education - the interaction between teachers and students. Learning is the process of acquiring facts and insights.

It need not be provided by a teacher. What matters is that the learnt material becomes the foundation for thinking, creativity and innovation.

In my experience, thinking is mastered more easily by those driven by curiosity, and made more difficult for those with little curiosity.

I view formal education with some scepticism. Education can become a one-way street between the educator and the student. Education all too often is reduced to memorisation. And poor memorisers like me will score poorly on standardised tests.

My personal experience, though, is that standardised test scores do not reliably separate those who will make significant contributions to society from those who will not.

I was never bothered by average scores on an examination because I knew that when I faced a problem that was interesting, I could almost always find or synthesise a solution.

Test scores measured those class-acquired resources available for thinking but did not measure my ability to quickly acquire new concepts outside the classroom.

When I was growing up in the farmlands of North Carolina, education was 'just-in-case' learning - to be mastered just in case I needed it at some future time.

I have several friends who are superb memorisers and at the same time have made significant contributions to society. They have realised that the purpose of the examination is to achieve a high score and nothing more.

Thus, they do not feel guilty studying intensively for several days prior to an exam, achieve a high score and then forget most of what they supposedly learnt.

For poor memorisers, the Internet and search engines have made a difference. Now I can find needed material with sufficient speed. Having never learnt it is not a serious disadvantage.

Learning is a well-known biological process. Learning requires repetition and it is the repetition that causes changes in our brains that result in memory.

Forgetting is also a well-known biological process but is rarely discussed, specifically in educational circles. We know what it is like to forget when learnt information is rarely used. We deal with forgetting in different ways, ranging from writing notes to ourselves to asking a friend to remind us.

The fast pace of today's society demands that we find a way to deal with information overload. Realising that the forgetting process can be avoided when using Google and the Internet gives us new freedom in problem-solving.

More specifically, we are in the middle of an Internet revolution which brings new resources to the learner's table, the forgetter's table, and to problem solving: an almost immediate access to information and concepts.

This revolution is paving the way to move from 'just-in-case'' learning to 'just-in-time'' learning.

The Internet levels the information access playing field such that the information available to a world-class researcher is also available to young learners in remote villages. It also levels the social playing field.

While living in the US before moving to Singapore, as a hobby and my grandkids' project, I tracked the building of a cable stay bridge (http://ravenelbridge.net ) and then the removal of two older truss bridges (http://oldcooperriverbridge.org ).

I received e-mail from children of the workers, from the Governor of South Carolina, from engineers within the US Department of Transportation and from staff of several international firms (Skanska, Freyssinet, T.Y. Lynn, Dyno Nobel).

What I experienced was that the Internet sufficiently depersonalise question-asking, such that one's curiosity was amplified. A very unexpected feature of the Internet.

But just having access to the Internet is not enough.

Search engines such as Google are to the Internet what the card catalogue was to the print library.

Google + Internet = a personal memory extender and learning enabler.

With Google and the Internet, I can forget about the forgetting process. By avoiding learning or memorising material rarely used, I have more time for thinking and chasing my curiosity.

What I see within my university world is a radical shift from education to learning.

Education requires someone to determine what is essential for a group of learners. Efficiency demands that educators direct their class to the middle of the group - leaving both extremes (the fast learners and the slow learners) either bored or lost.

Google and the Internet bring a new tool to the educator - a tool for enabling individualising learning while at the same time encouraging curiosity.

There is little bridge building going on in Singapore and I needed to find another outlet for my curiosity when we moved here.

Several years ago, I watched a large golden silk spider in our garden in the US. I observed what I would call remarkably intelligent behaviour. I was curious about a spider's weaving, capturing and processing of dinner, as well as reproduction.

Over time, I built a web page to share my curiosity with my 12 grandkids, aged 18 months to 10 years old (http://frank.itlab/spider_2002 us ).

Moving to Singapore, I found spiders in playgrounds and vacant fields, but the colours of insects here are much more striking than those in our US garden. I built a new web page (http://frank.itlab.us/photo_essays/singapore.php ) to share what I found with my grandkids in the US.

But I also had a secret agenda: childish curiosity can be alive and productive in a grandfather of 65.

Looking at not only my grandchildren but all children, I see that the same curiosity-extinguishing process that I faced in primary and secondary school 50 years ago is still alive and well in both the US and Singapore.

Where are the demonstrations that it is okay to be curious and ask questions at any age?

Part of the motivation for my photo adventures, specifically with spiders, is to demonstrate the unexpected surprises associated with chasing one's curiosity.

Do unexpected surprises happen while chasing curiosity?

For me, some of my spider video was shown in a Discovery Channel programme 'Superhero Science', and in May, some of my building photos were part of a programme, 'Risk Takers', shown on the Discovery High Definition channel. The Australian Broadcasting Company used a few of my spider photos in a programme too.

In each case, 'discovery' about my work was the result of Google and the Internet.

The bottom line is that learning can be fun.

I want to find ways to restore the joy of learning that I see in Su Suan and Maxwell, and find ways to rekindle the joy of learning in graduates of our educational systems.

The writer is Associate Dean of Learning Technologies at Duke-NUS Graduate Medical School, and an avid photographer and spider enthusiast.

Stay cool to defeat bullies

23 Aug 2007, ST

The scariest bullies aren't always found in school. Psychologist Albert Bernstein explains how you can handle enemies in a mature manner

By Loh Keng Fatt

IF YOU thought you had escaped bullies when you left school, you probably know better now that you haven't seen the last of them yet.

The fact is that bullies could be your colleagues at work, your bosses and even your friends.

That's why American psychologist Albert Bernstein has written books that arm people with self-defence tips on how to handle these pesky enemies.

In his 2001 book Emotional Vampires he tackles the problem of people who try to destroy the emotional and psychological well-being of others. Here's an excerpt:

TO DEFEAT bullies, you have to do what they don't. Namely, stay cool and keep your wits about you. Here's some advice that may help.

Ask for time to think: Only in the primitive jungle do you have to respond to attacks immediately. That's where the vampire wants to send you but there's no law saying that you have to go.

Normal people don't get angrier at you if you ask for a minute to think things over. By your actions you are communicating that you take the situation seriously and want to handle it well.

Vampires may try some other device to get you to respond in an immediate, emotional manner. They want a fight, not a rational discussion. They may mistake your silence for freezing up with terror, which you may be, but you don't have to let them know it.

Whatever you're feeling, just asking for a couple of minutes to think things over is usually so unexpected that you may be able to end the confrontation right there.

No matter what, take your time and think before you respond.

Think about what you want to happen: While you're taking your minute to think, consider the possible outcomes. Immediately discard any that involve making the bully back down and admit that you're right.

You cannot be right and effective at the same time. Don't even try.

Get the bully to stop yelling: Actually, this is easier than you might think. Just keeping your own voice soft may do the trick. Bullies expect you to yell back; don't oblige them.

If either of you is yelling, nothing reasonable will be said.

Another unexpected way to get a bully to stop yelling is by saying: 'Please speak more slowly; I'd like to understand.'

Often, people will comply with this request without thinking about it. Reducing the speed will also reduce the volume.

Have you ever tried to yell slowly? This strategy works particularly well on the phone.

On the phone, also remember the 'uh-huh' rule. We usually respond with uh-huh when the other person takes a breath. If you go three breaths without saying uh-huh, the other person will stop and ask: Are you there?

Following this technique will allow you to interrupt without saying a word.

Whatever you do, don't explain: If you are ever attacked by a vampire bully, you may feel a powerful urge to explain the whys and wherefores of your own actions.

Don't do it. Explanations are the way that primitive responses sneak down from your reptile brain and out your mouth.

Explanations are usually a disguised form of fighting back or running away. The typical explanation boils down to: If you know all the facts, you will see that I am right and you are wrong, or it wasn't my fault, you should be mad at somebody else. Never mind that your explanations seem true and reasonable to you.

Bullies always recognise the primitive patterns for dealing with aggression. They will see your explanation as an invitation to go for the jugular.

-------------------------------

# Emotional Vampires is available for loan from The National Library Board under the call number 158.2 BER.

# Books For The Soul is a weekly column that highlights books which move, comfort or inspire.

Work-life balance? When theory and reality clash...

20 Aug 2007, ST

By Jessica Lim

ASK any newcomer to the workforce how life has changed, and you are likely to get a typical answer: 'Too tired to do anything after work already.'

It's the standard excuse for skipping social appointments and, we soon discover, an acceptable one too.

Fresh out of school, we start our jobs, brimming with unrealistic expectations.

We set goals: Don't leave before checking off the to-do list. Catch up with friends afterwards (even if it's very late at night). Spend weekends with the family.

But for anyone who wants to prove himself in his career, that hardly works out.

Plans change, to say the least.

More elements get thrown into the mix, so your time gets cut up into smaller rations, and plans go pear-shaped the minute you bust your schedule - which is quite often, in the life of a young working adult.

Juggling everything quickly becomes near impossible.

On the one hand, you desperately want to go the extra mile, stay that extra hour, because you need to show your boss you have the chops for better things.

On the other hand, there's the matter of managing personal relationships, and keeping up with friends.

Though there is hardly enough time left over afterwards for yourself, you find your mouth saying 'yes', even though your body just wants to crash.

Work pressures have replaced school pressures, except this time the hours stretch and there is no school vacation to break it up.

All the time, the fear of burnout looms.

Worse still, we find ourselves with a nasty new habit: Cancelling appointments at the last minute to stay late in the office.

Work-life balance? What's that?

Sure, we know the theory - say 'no', focus only on what matters most, don't try to cram everything in.

But the practical is a lot harder to finesse.

Say 'no', and friends think you don't care. Bosses may think you're not dedicated. Family members see it as neglect.

You find yourself spending your 'alone time' worrying about what everyone else thinks.

It is likely that only your body will thank you.

But I am starting to realise that might just count the most.

Any bad habit soon turns into a lifestyle, and one that might just take up a whole lifetime.

I, for one, shudder at the thought of growing up to be like that.